Ian the Christmas Monkey
Ian the Christmas Monkey. Father Christmas is a relatively new addition to Finnish folklore. Until the late 70's Finnish children believed that their presents were left by Ian the Christmas Monkey.
Upon waking on Christmas morning, the children would grab their bulging stockings and rush out into the snow filled lanes, dancing round and chanting at the tops of their voices, (in Finnish, of course!): "We welcome you oh hallowed Ian, bring us gifts you furry rascal." Over and over. After an hour of almost trance inducing celebration, they would sit in a clearing to compare gifts, and make fun of the children who got crap presents because their parents were poor. Then they would be called in for breakfast.
The tradition Finnish Christmas breakfast would consist of vodka and a crude porridge made not with milk, but semen milked from the family hunting dogs.
Child: Father, shall we be visited by Ian the Christmas Monkey tomorrow, as I am hoping for an x-box.
Father: Silence child, I am milking the dogs; pass me a tissue!
by david mckay February 16, 2007
A guy who will talk to you then stop talking to you unexpectedly. A man Thot. A fuckboi
Girl: yo Ian stopped talking to me
Girl 2: it's an Ian after all.
by Adorabowl November 10, 2015
The world's largest asshole he doesn't have a dad and everyone hates him.also his moms a slut.
I hate Ian..
by Hixxxp March 04, 2016
Biggest faggot award winner, likes horses (50 horses to be exact), life wothout him is like a fat kid without bread, has a thing for bitchy Houston girls, but yet you can't help but love him
Ianism: the belief that one is a bad ass

"I'm not a good boy anymore
by Genuis1990 December 30, 2014
A guy who is Somewhat emo, plays guitar gracefully or easily, dances B-Boy.
Woah! I think that guy is Ian his awesome.
by Wazzup!! March 03, 2011
A stinky pussy fart usually perpetuated from masturbating with haggis.
After the young woman chose to resolve an ian on her own, she had to admit herself to the hospital in order to remove the bottle of glade from her vagina.
by bigddyjxn July 03, 2014
is a stoner that does not take drugs.... yet. One who dates and breaks up for another. Ian will try to minimize his mistakes by saying other people have done them too. Ian will try to insist that he is not a stoner even though he is defined like that. He will Skype in the complete dark but you can still see him. He also frequently curses out of context. He often (in the middle of cursing) will break out into kindergarden songs. Most will want to kill him but never actually go through with it. Ian will also try to say he is perfect by saying his faults are within others.
A: Dude you see that guy?
B: Total Ian.
A: I know right
C: I have a frog stapled to my face!
by apoofanickymama July 19, 2012
a player, someone who flirts with every girl and doesn't care who they hurt. Don't let his beautiful Puerto Rican skin fool you, no matter how hot he is. Put some Wasabi sauce in his mashed potatoes when he's not looking.
Man look at that jerk. He's such an ian.
by blahhhhhg March 26, 2009
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