A medical condition occuring in the labia following a high-speed collision with a solid object. Common catalysts include fences, doorknobs, hockey-pucks, and the wayard high-five. Extreme cases may also encompass the cervix.
Seth: What's wrong with you?
Krysta: That's the last time I play goalie, that slapshot gave me a mean case of hurtin' curtains.
Seth: At least it wasn't as bad as when Erika got hit with that high-five.
Krysta: Thank god, it's been two weeks and she still can't wear jeans.