36
There are many variants of the hick species. I would like to describe the Northern Ontario phenotype. They are mostly male, but females are not uncommon.

Females can be recognized by their unhealthy obese stature, nicotine and beer stench, and raspy voice.

Northern Ontario hicks usually hold mindless jobs in paper mills, sawmills, mines, or collect disability benefits or welfare due to unhealthy lifestyles. More and more of them are becoming redundant because they are being replaced by things which are more automaton than they are: automation and robots.

They are mostly functionally illiterate, uneducated, backwards, uncultured, laggard, and unsophisticated.

Due to the fact they are functionally illiterate, they cannot read the instructions on condom wrappers or birth control pills resulting in the unfortunate dissemination of endless generations of hicks.

Hicks have a propensity to boast about the acquisition of mindless polluting toys such as ATVs, snow machines, and large gas sucking pick up trucks.

Their social status is manifested by the mountains of garbage they put on the curb every Tuesday. Recycling is considered an anti-social act. Mass energy consumption and waste is also a sign of hick behaviour. Running air conditioners at full capacity with the windows open in the summer and heating the house to a sweltering temperature in the winter are good examples of hick-ness.

Hicks can be also seen at the beer store on payday loading their pick up trucks with cases of beer before going on beer binging expeditions in the woods where they will leave tell tale signs of their presence such as empty Tim Horton's (a large coffee chain) coffee cups, trash, and empty beer bottles on the side of the road and in the forest spoiling the nature
they claim to be an inseparable part of their heritage.

The Northern Ontario hick can be recognized by the characteristic "ee" at the end of each incoherent sentence that it utters. Familiar sayings include "gonna drink some beer dayr ee" or "dat gas is ixpensiv dayr ee" My favourite is "sheez runnun real good dayr ee". It refers to the clouds of black smoke emanating from the tailpipes of their trucks.

A sure fire method of ridding hicks of the environment is to make them uncomfortable by trying to engage them in intelligent conversation, by introducing them to new terms such as anthropogenic climate change, science,art,epistemology, dialectics, and tautology, or by telling them that there is no such thing as heaven when they die. You tell them that they will go to a library or a university instead.
illiterate, incoherent, ignorant, wasteful, hick
by E from Hick Falls August 11, 2008
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37
also living in louisiana, i am related to such hicks. a hick is a person who is totally unaware of common hygeine, and is sometimes derogatory towards people of other races because they think that hicks are the rulers of the south and any other form of person is considered "unpure". BTW i am not a hick.
One who pronounces Fire as FUR
ex. go over there and get me that alligator sausage offa da fur.
by livid December 27, 2004
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38
A derogatory term, used to describe people of lower class, middle american areas, or just anyone who does not live in atleast a suburb of normal society. A hick is usally a racist asswipe who hates other cultures simply for the fact that they are more succesful then he is (ie. a jew)To be more specific a hick might join a group such as the KKK which is nothing more than a group of hicks with have nothing better to do than hate blacks and jews for no reason other then the the lack of jobs or an education that plagues the hick community.
Urr, im a dumb hick. niggers suck. I've never seen one but i hate them. I dont like jews either cuz they have money, jobs, and an education. Durf....
by #1Jew January 05, 2005
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39
Some of my family. I just think that hick means a person who has grown up in a rural setting and it takes more than 20 miles from a city of 500,000 to be a hick...i mean...geez...thats near 50 percent or more people in the US that are hicks. Theres redneck and then there is a hick...and then a country bumpkin.
Did you know Montana doesnt even have a town with a population close to 500,000. The most populated town has around 100,000 living in it?
by This Guy November 22, 2003
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40
A person that maybe from the Midwest, not always a dirty person....can just be a middle class person that may have a midwestern accent.
I am a hick from Missouri, but I am not dirty nor am I slow
by Alisha Mueller July 29, 2003
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41
One who lives more than 20 miles from the nearest city of at least half a million. (Distance measured, as the crow flies, to the city line, not the city center.)
There are hicks in all 50 states even though people think of them as being Southern.
by Anonymous July 28, 2003
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42
1. Someone with a limited and incorrect vocabulary. (usually a 3rd grade reading level)

2. Someone who use double negatives in almost every sentence.

3. Someone who has no sense of who they are. To define themselves, they wear only John Deere t-shirts and have a bull ball sack hanging from their truck bumper and attend psycho pentecostal church where they speak in tongues eat a lot of bake goods donated by their local supermarket.
She's a good christian hick girl that don't never do anything wrong.
by veg91172 July 01, 2009
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