Helpful Asshole 

Someone who appears to be helpful but really is not helpful at all. Gives you more information than you had previously but not enough to do anything with it.

The IT guy is such a helpful asshole. He told me he knew how to fix my email but he has no intention of fixing it.

Helpful Asshole by Diet Dr. Pepper9 January 9, 2009

Helpful Janet 

A person who thinks they are helping but really aren't.

1) A Helpful Janet is a person who gives you driving directions to somewhere where they have never been nor have any idea where it is.

2) A Helpful Janet will hand you a tool you did NOT ask for.

3) A Helpful Janet seems to always be in the way.

Helpful Janet by Sir Randall of Texas January 2, 2012

as helpful as tits on a bull 

as helpful as tits on a bull something or someone that is more of a hindrance than a help

as helpful as tits on a bull my new refrigerator is more of a hindrance than is a help to me

as helpful as tits on a bull by littlejimmie November 4, 2019

self helpful 

a condition of somebody that reads a lot of self help books and thinks they can solve every problem in life, often recommending these books to their friends instead of actually listening and giving genuine consolation

"I'm so bummed-out caus i just broke up with my boyfriend"

"o, i had that problem once too, you should totally read insert annoying self help title here."

...() () (thanks, you're so self helpful)

self helpful by pixelfairy June 24, 2008

helpful douche 

someone who is overwhelmingly helpful but comes off as a jackass

-hey guys instead of helping you finish this project am just going to stand in a corner and dictate everything that needs to be done and tell you how bad of a job your doing.
-thanks helpful douche

helpful douche by lydia5 December 30, 2008

Randy the Helpful Pineapple 

The pineapple helper of Stuff Magazine.

Randy the Helpful Pineapple says…

Randy the Helpful Pineapple by adonkeyisaass December 19, 2003

Non-helpful helpful boomer

The non-helpful helpful boomer is typically found in online groups on Facebook, but can infest other sites. The non-helpful helpful boomer will see a question asked online and will feel a compulsive urge to answer the question, even if they don't have any answers. Some may in fact use the opportunity to brag about something expensive they own to do the job.

For example;

"Hey does anybody know if I can use a printer to print out the templates to use and save some money, as I'm a little broke?"
Nh.h.b: "I would never, it takes too much time, but I do own a brand new top of the line cricut machine that I use to do it all for me."

Other nh.h.b. "I buy mine precut, so I don't know"

Third nh.h.b "Sheep are nice"

I can't use Facebook groups anymore because they are overrun with non-helpful helpful boomers.

Non-helpful helpful boomer by EvilA.J. February 22, 2023