Your dad owns a dairy farm, so when Mom and Pop go out for dinner, you go out into the barn with a can of aerosol whip cream and spray it on your naked boner so one of the calves will suck you off.
ENOS: No, all the chicks I asked turned me down. I think I'll just kill myself!
CLYDE: Come on man, it's not THAT bad -- have a cow!
Billy Ray laughed at Jimmy Joe's shock that he could do such a thing. He sneered, "Don't have a cow, man! Professors never read those papers anyway."