A hand-held wank is were someone looks at porn on a hand-held device such as ''mobile phone'' or ''I pod/ I phone'' and then pleasures themself to it.
Jim: Hey Jack how come you got so much porn on your iphone?
Jack: No reason
Barry: I bet its because he likes to use it for Hand-held wanks
The phantom jerk is performed when one is bored with casual conversation and wishes to cause a disturbance. Essentially, when the speaker enters an excessively boring stretch of context, the listener quickly makes a masturbating motion with one hand, never longer than one second in duration. Eye contact must be held, because the aim is to distract the speaker but appear to not have done anything. The follow-up must be perfect: remain emotionless, because otherwise the speaker will know what's up. They'll often ask what just happened, but the jerk-ee must deny all involvement.
Worker 1: Yeah, so at Tina's party last night, she got totally hammered, man. Afterwards we went to that new pub downtown, 'cause I heard they had some smashing sweet potato crisps, and-
Worker 2: *fapfapfap*
Worker 1: - some sort of new mixed dri.. What the fuck was that, mate?
Worker 2: What was what?
Worker 1: I could've sworn you just had a wank at me.
Worker 2: I haven't a clue what you're talking about. What're you implying? (Phantom wank successful.)
A hankerchief or tissue used to wipe up the semen after having a wank. It can be held over the penis acting like a condom or be used after semen is ejaculated to clean it up off the penis, stomach, floor or any other surfaces it may have splattered onto.
1. Theo keeps his wankerchief inside his top drawer just incase he wants a good wank without making a mess all over the computer screen or his keyboard.
2. Theo's mum found his wankerchief and got cum all over her hand after he had a good session of porn-watching.
A strange form of masturbation involving squatting on the ground with flat feet with your knees held tighly to your chest. You arm must then go around one of your legs to reach the required organ.
Often done furiously and sometimes in public
I`m off to the park for a Mexican Handshake
The 'ATW', otherwise known as the 'Aggressive Techno Wank', is an act of male self-gratification performed in times of energy fuelled masterbation requirement, and generally consists of a combination of one or more of the following:
-loud techno/trance/electro/drum&bass music either played through earphones or speakers
-isolation from other humans (see below for the reasons for this, regarding the ATW dance)
-dimmed, or alternatively disco, lighting
-an arm with a functioning hand for enhanced performance is preferable
-the ATW dance (each ATW participant will have his own version of this depending on preference and practice)
The ATW dance requirements and techniques are outlined here:
-standing up, legs wide apart, knees bent
-one arm held out from the body (much like if one was about to high-5 somebody, or if one was a rodeo rider)
-other arm strategically positioned on the knob
-look of determination/concentration on the face
-tug away for three or four beats of the song (rapidly), then perform the following manoeuvre (known as the 'ATW interchange');
-jump slightly of the ground
-whilst in mid air swap the 'tugging' arm and the 'high-5/rodeo' arm around
-upon landing, carry on for 3 or four beats in the new position and repeat the manoeuvre as many times as desired by the athelete
-isolation is key; flailing arms pose a threat to innocent bystanders
Blow job - when the knob is held with one hand and gingerly sucked on the tip so it looks as if it is being played instead of sucked
Goodnight love.....before you go to sleep do you fancy playing the last post on my beef bugle......you do!!!, wank durch.
The way ':(' is written when one hand is occupied with Texting/Eating/Wanking, and shift cannot be held-down.
hey man im eating so i cant use punctuation ;