The Greatest Comedian in the world. one of the funniest men alive, known for his randomness, tendancy to drift off and his well known and catchy things to say. He is a executive transvestite, he describes himself as a male lesbian. he is also partialy dislexic, he used to be fully deslexic, but thts not for now. He is also intersesting besause of his style of comedy, he is not racist, or sexist, or any of these things, he swears, but not at people. He engages the audience and often goes off track. He is a modern comic genius, and a great actor to boot
Guns Dont Kill People, People Kill People, But Monkeys Do To (If They Have A Gun)
This is the comic genius of Eddie Izzard
N. guy who is awsome; he tells jokes no one understands but you have to laugh at them; loves kitty cats and the Kitty Kat Dance song
Adj. durp dee durp durpa durp durptee durp tittily dittily dum
V. To wear hilarious shirts that normally relates to mustaches or family guy; to play final fantasy, eat ramen noodles
Other = political jokes are funny, knows famous people that no one has ever heard of
N. A short, stubby man who grew facial hair at a pre-mature age; has a sister who is unbelievably hot and sleeps in her nude on the couch when one has friends over (Im down with that)
N. Never gets in trouble at St Joes, but would subtly implement sexual references in questions he asks the teacher.
N. A long, dark haired adolescent who never sleeps but falls asleep while typing or playing video games.
N. a Rob Schneider impersonator
Kellen: So, John Hatheway walked into a bar and a hammer fell on himmore...
Friends: *cant help but laugh*
Kellen: I was soooo close! I WAS SO FUCKING CLOSE!
Guy: What Kellen? What happened!?
Kellen: My neighbor was SOOO CLOSE TO GETTING ME POT!
Cat...Im a kitty cat, and I dance dance dance, and I dance dance dance...!
Wow...what did he say? It was funny, his name must be Kellen
Me:"Guns dont kill people...people with mustaches do!"
Kellen: Erick...my shirt just made you admit that you kill people...
Kellen: Im so close to beating this dungeo-...oh! Noodles are done!
Kellen: So, John Kerry went into a bar after his botox job and the bartender says "Hey John, why the long chin?"
Little Johny: Mommy, some new kid at school has a mustache...why? We're only in the 3rd grade?
Mommy: well, Johnny, we dont go around point out people's premature tholical stimuli, so we will just call him Kellen
Johnny: Ok mommy, thanks!
So, I was spending the night at Kellens house and it was around 2:00 am. I needed a drink so I went upstairs to get some water; I was trying to be quiet because his sister was sleeping on the couch, little did I know...she was wearing nothing. So, I hear a stirring behind me...I turn around and...well...just use your imagination
The subject was not to have sex before marriage; Kellen's response "I love cheese cake and all, but not when it has been sitting on the shelf for 30 or so years"
Hey, Kellen, look whos in first place, I AM!....
Murderous rabbits with metal ears
guns dont kill people, rabbots do
something that should have never been invented
that gun killed that little girL! (guns dont kill people... people kill people
Chuck Norris is tough, but Jack Bauer is tougher. Walker Texas Ranger never had to deal with Terrorist and get things done in 24 hours….or did he? Anyway, Jack Bauer is tough, and he is the new man with the Random Facts.
1.If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.more...
2.Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
3.If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
4.Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
5.Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
6.Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
7.Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
8. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
9.If Jack says “I just want to talk to him/her” and that him/her is you… well amigo, you’re fucked.
10.Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
11.Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
12.If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don’t want to get 7 stars.
13.When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
14.Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he’s knocked out or temporarily killed.
15.If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn’t want to carry you.
16.Jack Bauer h...
A large Canadian city with more crime than any other in North America per capita. They say its one of the top 3 places to live... but thats only if your rich. The home of the 2010 Olympics. Most people are lower middle class drug addicts. Cocaine, crystal meth, marijuana, crack, all surprisingly popular with the entire lower mainland population. Think Washington, D.C... but in Canada. Nice govenment and media perception.
Vancouver: "I live in a nice neigborhood, and still robberies, B&E's, and auto theft happen in broad daylight".
Oh... I forgot to mention how pleased people are with our low "gun related" homicide rate. You dont need guns to kill somebody.
Chuck Is Everyone's hero
When Chuck Norris Wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken
The Leading Causes of death in USA are: 1. Cancer 2. Heart Disease and 3. Chuck Norris
Guns Dont kill people, Chuck Norris Does