| 223. | god | ||||
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A god is a supreme being who will give you good stuff if you honor them. They will screw you if you dis them.
A god is not to be confused with God. God is one dude. A god is any of a number of dudes. All gods put together, do the same work as God. The water god, the fire god, the fertility god, the pizza god. There are also godesses. The fertility goddess and fertility god are joined together at the crotch. If you pray to God, you go to heaven. If you pray to a god, you get what they specialize in. Pray to the pizza god, and you get a tasty pizza. Pray to the fire god, and he gives you some wood to rub together, or a lighter. Tom: "I wish we had a baby."
Lucy: "Me too. I guess I should pray to the fertility god." Tom: "While you're at it, pray to the fertility godess too." Lucy: "pray, pray, pray. pray. O great god and godess of the giant womb in the sky, please get me knocked up." Later-- Tom: "Holy shit Lucy! I'm getting a big boner." Lucy: "O my fucking god. I'm getting horny and wet in my vagina." Tom: "What the hell is going on? What do I do with this boner?" Lucy: "O Tom, place your giant penis inside me, and we shall make a baby." hump, hump, hump. Later- Tom: "I think I'l pray to the cigarette god for a pack of Camel Lights." Lucy: "and I'll pray to the god of fire for a lighter." Tom: "I'll pray to the pizza god for a family size anchovie and jalapeno double cheese hand tossed pizza." God: "Thou shalt have no gods before Me! To Hell with you!" Tom and Lucy: "O God Damn!" POOF! |
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| 1. | God | ||||
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A guy who talked to some Jewish guys, some Christian guys, and some Islam guys, and accidentaly caused more people to die than anyone else in human history. And people wonder why he doesn't talk much to us anymore.
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| 2. | God | ||||
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The reason I passed math. Bless the lord! For I got a 65!
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| 3. | god | ||||
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The universal scapegoat for forces yet to be explained, originating back to when man thought the wind was Satan farting. Uuhhhmmmm... God did it?
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| 4. | god | ||||
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the most popular star in human history. loved, hated, or talked about by almost every person ever walked on earth. theist: 'i love god, i think he's cool.'
atheist: 'god is a ridiculous idea, he doesn't even really exist.' |
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| 5. | God | ||||
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The main character in the fiction work "The Bible." And God replied: I am Who Am.
And Moses quickly corrected him saying that it should be I am Who Is. But God never was any good at grammar. |
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| 6. | God | ||||
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Large angry fairy-pixie in the sky. Refuses to show any evidence of his existence but will sentence you to an eternity of pain and burning if you do not accept it. Abe was a good man, but he used God's name in vain, so he burned forever and ever.
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| 7. | god | ||||
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God, the omniscient, primordial and eternal who created man in his own image and therefore posseses a digestive system, sense organs, limbs and other attributes that would be useless to an immortal being. If God came first, what would he eat or walk upon? Why would he have those five senses if nothing to sense yet existed? And if he has 'always' been here, how long did he sit around doing nothing until he decided to invent the Universe? And why? And if he hadn't yet invented the universe, what exactly was he sitting on? Where is he going to exist if there is nothing to exist in? And what is wrong with the idea that we all just expire and disintegrate and rot? God help us.
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