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1.
The goatfish is an extremely ugly animal that can sometimes be seen stalking dark alleys or hiding in the shadows. But the unfortunate few that see this hideously ugly creature are likely to never live to tell the tale.

HOW A GOATFISH ATTACKS:

A goatfish will usually follow its prey for a while before actually making contact. The goatfish will attack from behind, locking its victim in a death grip with horrific fangs nearly 8 inches long. If this does not kill the prey on the first try, the goatfish will play with it, slinging it around in the same way that a dog would play with a chew toy. The victim will then either perish from being torn to pieces or just die from fright.

WAYS TO PREVENT GOATFISH ATTACKS:

Stay in well lit areas. Goatfish hate any kind of light and will usually back off if any of the stuff gets near them. Never go out alone at night without a flashlight and some form of weapon. Guns are the most effective, especially the shotgun. Goatfish don’t really have any weak spots so knives are pretty much useless. Never travel alone at night, always go in groups.

WHAT TO DO IN THE EVENT OF A GOATFISH ATTACK:

Wave you arms around in the air and/or make loud noises to try to make yourself look as big as possible. Never try to outrun a goatfish, because you will never be able to. Goatfish have been known to be able to run at speeds exceeding mach 14. If a goatfish ever grabs hold of you, do not struggle. The last thing you want to do is let it know that you’re still alive. Your best chance is to just let your body go limp and hope that it lets you go. If it doesn’t, then you’re pretty much screwed over. Although if it does let go of you, do not move. Wait until the goatfish is out of sight before you even think about trying to run.
Sleep in fear... the goatfish cometh
by Goatfish Victim December 19, 2007
 
2.
A teenage girl that is only invited to hang out with her 'friends' so she can be the least pretty in the group. The goal of the non-goatfish girls is to be seen by boys slightly after they look at the goatfish so that they appear to be much more attractive.
Guy #1: Man, look at that ugly ass girl!

Guy #2: Damn! Look at that dime piece right next to her.

Guy #1: She's smokin'. I wonder why she would hang around with such a gross friend.

Guy #2: It's obvious man, she's a goatfish
by maximiliancohen November 22, 2007