HOW A GOATFISH ATTACKS:
A goatfish will usually follow its prey for a while before actually making contact. The goatfish will attack from behind, locking its victim in a death grip with horrific fangs nearly 8 inches long. If this does not kill the prey on the first try, the goatfish will play with it, slinging it around in the same way that a dog would play with a chew toy. The victim will then either perish from being torn to pieces or just die from fright.
WAYS TO PREVENT GOATFISH ATTACKS:
Stay in well lit areas. Goatfish hate any kind of light and will usually back off if any of the stuff gets near them. Never go out alone at night without a flashlight and some form of weapon. Guns are the most effective, especially the shotgun. Goatfish don’t really have any weak spots so knives are pretty much useless. Never travel alone at night, always go in groups.
WHAT TO DO IN THE EVENT OF A GOATFISH ATTACK:
Wave you arms around in the air and/or make loud noises to try to make yourself look as big as possible. Never try to outrun a goatfish, because you will never be able to. Goatfish have been known to be able to run at speeds exceeding mach 14. If a goatfish ever grabs hold of you, do not struggle. The last thing you want to do is let it know that you’re still alive. Your best chance is to just let your body go limp and hope that it lets you go. If it doesn’t, then you’re pretty much screwed over. Although if it does let go of you, do not move. Wait until the goatfish is out of sight before you even think about trying to run.
Guy #2: Damn! Look at that dime piece right next to her.
Guy #1: She's smokin'. I wonder why she would hang around with such a gross friend.
Guy #2: It's obvious man, she's a goatfish