"I was too cheap and lazy to buy a subway ticket so with JR pass in hand I gaijin smashed my way through the gate before the electric doors could close and then when the guy came running after me and told me I had to buy a ticket I acted like I thought the JR pass covered everything"
2) Pretending not to understand the Japanese language and intentionally speaking bad Japanese to get out of any situation.
2) "I had to use my best gaijin smash twice today man. First, lost my train ticket so I was like 'doku ga iku (poison is going) haiku ticket man?' and the staff was like 'mada baka gaijinka? (another stuipid foreigner?)' and let me pass. Second, I was speeding in the rental car and I ran a red light. When the cop pulled me over, I showed him my international driving permit and said 'Nihon....go... ta... ta... tabemas.... Nihongotabemas....en.... Nihongo tabemasen....ka? (Shall we eat the Japanese language?).' To which he promptly gave me my permit and said very loudly 'Red is Stop! No again! Red.... stop!' and drove away happy to rid of the baka gaijin.
2) I am so freaking going to drink a whole bunch of sake and sing karaoke with my gaijin smash!