The biggest, SUV
on the road. Optional 5.4 L V-8 (standard), 6.8 L V-10 (ricer
killer), or 6.0 L/7.3 L Powerstroke V-8 Diesel (powerhouse). They are usually found being meandered around by a soccer mom
or a redneck
, weigh nearly 8000 pounds, use a runway to stop, handle like trucks, and chug down gas. However, when used properly, they justify these characteristics.
The Pilot: In the hands of a soccer mom, they can, and do, pancake Prii (Priuses
). In the hands of a redneck, they can be seen being used in a reckless and stupid fashion. However, in the hands of a capable driver, they can be very safe and don't typically run into anything.
Maneuverability: They're big. They need space. If you know what you're doing, you can move them into and out of the most cramped parking spaces.
Weight: They're big. They weigh a lot, there is no way out of this one.
Long Stop: Factors like brake, tire, and road conditions play critical roles. If the driver is observant though, they can usually stop in time or maneuver around the obstacle.
Handling: The F-250 truck frame is responsible.
MPG: Dismal, but they are amazing people movers. When loaded to capacity (8 people), their 15 MPG are justified. BONUS: Plenty of power. It goes in the snow too.
All in all, they only become viable when ...
An awesome super large SUV made by Ford from 2000-2005. The SUV for the hard-core soccer-mom. Was designed like a Super Duty truck and was intended for rural or commercial use. But it got popular with suzy-homemakers instead. It's cons outweighed it's pros (poor fuel mileage, not being able to fit in suburban garages, etc) so Ford quit making them. Driving this SUV screams a big "fuck you" to all the liberal Prius drivers out there.
Son: Hey Mom, I think you hit that Prius on the way home from Soccer practice!!
Mom: That was just a speed bump, honey...
Son: Then why is there a Door stuck in the grill!!
Mom: Oh crap...not again!! We have to get rid of that Ford Excursion.
clearly another attempt by mankind to continue chipping away at earths already fragile ecosystem. manufactured solely for the purpose of depleating natural resources such as oil and oxygen at a much faster rate than other bus-sized vehicles. republicans love 'em.
" i can't wait to show the guys at the country club my new ' W The President ' sticker on my ford excursion! "
A large oversized Sports Utility Vehicle (SUV) that gets stuck in 6 inches of snow. This gas guzzling 2WD with 20in rims frequently gets stuck in its owners driveway, resulting in a 2010 Honda Accord pulling it onto the road with a 25k tow strap. (yes there are pictures)
Ford Excursion Owner: "Shit...I can't get my truck out of my yard..."
Honda Owner: "Hold on man, I still have my tow strap from my old truck in the trunk."
Ford Excursion Owner: "HAHAHA.. You think that HONDA can pull my Excursion up that hill in the snow.."
Honda Owner: "All I ask is that you let me get pictures of this..."
Ford Excursion Owner: "Deal.."
30 sec later
Ford Owner: "shoulda bought a honda"