festive fascists are there to inflict their yobbish good time on everyone, unlucky enough to be in their proximity, they will put their arms around you and will not leave until you have satisfied them that you're having fun.
festive fascist: it's christmas, moon that butt everyone, yeah
victim: no, that's disgusting, this is a church
festive fascist: but it's christmas, you fuck, wooooooo, show us your tits, haha
victim: i'm calling the police