In todays society, no straight man likes to hold the title of "gay", nor posess any of the qualities that would make one homosexual. In turn, when in a public setting, we must instate what one calls the "Female Buffer".
The female buffer is not just any woman. This woman has to be generally good looking see this example. Click here. This woman can not be any of the following:
* Manly in any way
* Excessively hairy
* Express an unhealthy odor
As you can see, there is a strict protocol a woman must adhere to in order to obtain the female buffer status. It is not easy to be a female buffer; but it is a wonder how so many women are female buffers, in a world of such ugly. There are a proud few, beautiful women who are proud to say "I am a female buffer".
There is a very strict protocol to what a female buffer must do, and what one must do to uphold the duties of a female buffer. A female buffer must always stand or walk directly in the center of the two males. Distance in this situation does not matter since the female buffer is of the opposite sex. In the event that there is an odd number of men (example, 3 men and 1 female buffer), one more man must be brought along to even out the pack, and two men must be on each side at all times. In this situation there will be man standing next to man. To fix this situation, all men must stand at least 5 feet apart at all times. Rubbing shoulders constitutes an automatic status of gay. When a female buffer situation is initiated, any intentional man to man contact other than a high five is unacceptable and will result in the title of gay.
In the event that the female buffer must move from her position in the center of the two men, the men must immediatley begin a conversation about something manly, such as football or lumberjacking. Please note that "lumberjacking" is not a reference to masturbation. The female buffer must return to her position as soon as possible. The female buffer should only leave her position for personal reasons such as the occasional urge to use the bathroom.
In the event that two women are walking together in a public place, a male buffer is not needed, unless the women are:
* Acne infested
The male and female buffer system is a tried and true method to ensure heterosexuality among males, as well as females. The golden rule is as follows:
If two men exist together in any public setting, a female buffer is needed. If two females are together in a public setting, a male buffer is only needed if the women are ugly and require a person to take the emphasis off of their ugly, and onto something else.
In this generation, a social code must be established to maintain equallity over gays and heterosexual people. This balance must be upheld for the better good of our soicety, as well as the individuals who inherit this earth. One must follow these practices at all times, and must not stray from them, unless he/she is actually gay, and does not mind having the branding of "gay" to ones self.