Father Ted is the central character. He is often very dishonest, making up lies to get out of trouble almost every episode. He is desperate to work in the US or/and go on TV.
"I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests... ...More drink?"
Father Dougal is a very dimwitted young priest, who often forgets that he is a priest. He is guilty of the following acts: convincing a bishop to become an atheist, causing fires and explosions while doing a funeral, and generally being an eejit.
"God, I've never seen a clock at 5 a.m. before!"
"I'm no good at judging the size of crowds Ted, but I'd say there's about seventeen million of them out there"
Father Jack is an ignorant, violent, bigoted old alcoholic who enjoys sleeping, throwing stuff at the TV, and physically abusing his fellow priests. He only generally knows four words: FECK, ARSE, DRINK and GIRLS. He has a great fear for nuns. Possible paedophile.
"Don't tell me I'm still on that feckin' island!"
"I love my brick!"
"That would be an ecumenical matter!"
If you haven't seen this show, you haven't lived. 'nuff said.
Priest: "*Shaking fist at the sky* You bastard!"
Father Ted Crilly is fairly apathetic priest, more interested in TV and movies than religion. His dream is to practice in LA. He misses out on this opportunity.
Father Dougal McGuire is an idiotic, dim-witted young priest who is pathetic yet likeable. He mixes up situation very easily.
Father Jack Hackett is a scruffy, dirty, violent, mean, old alcoholic who takes joy out of abusing the other two priests. He has: hit Ted with a brick, clamped Ted's nipples with clothespegs, run over Ted with Ted's own car, etc.
The series is available in most stores, even in the US (It was last year, at least). It's the funniest thing ever.
Dougal: What about Mewengwe? His parents are away and he has satellite!
Ted: Dougal, he lives in Ethiopia.
The setting is a remote, very four-square parish house in a field on the remote and fictitious Craggy Island, off the west coast. Main characters were Father Ted Crilly (Dermot Morgan), a relatively normal character with a certain proprietorial interest in parish funds: Father Dougal Maguire (Ardal O'Hanlon), the youngest priest, a complete imbecile: Father Jack Hackett (Frank Kelly), an old senile priest whose entire head once went septic and with a passion for alcohol, whose catch-phrases were DRINK!!!, GIRLS!!!, FECK!!! and ARSE!!! (occasionally enlivened with something more coherent): and their long suffering, self-effacing housemaid Mrs. Doyle (Pauline McLynn), with her catch-phrase when offering tea or biscuits, "ahh willya go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on!", and her pastime of falling out of the front window.
Various guest stars included Tommy Tiernan, Graham Norton and Brendan Grace. The most classic episode was probably "The Plague" (of rabbits), ending in that kind of comic epiphany that a comedian, with boundless talent and more than a sprinkling of luck, might just about manage once in a lifetime.
Ran to three seasons, cut short by the tragic loss of Morgan from a heart attack. He left us too early. We shall not see his like again.
"Go back to sleep, Your Grace. It's just a bad dream you're having." (From "The Plague"; I'll say no more.)
(After they have picked up the wrong very very very hairy priest from the old priest's home, commenting on the hair). Ted: "I never thought I'd see a Stage 12 before."
Ted: "You see, Tom, I think you were mistaken. When I said "take care of" the rabbits, I was thinking in a Julie Andrews kind of way. I now realise you thought I meant it in sort of an Al Pacino way. I think we'll just ... RUN, DOUGAL, RUN!!!"
Mrs. Doyle (looking beady-eyed at a shopping centre staff member over the top of a state-of-the-art gizmo that he has just told her can "take all the misery out of making tea"): "Maybe I LIKE the misery!"