A teacher who would rather have some nice oak dowelling than a woman.

Residing in a technology department near you is Ernie. His non-sensical manner generates vast amounts of pupil-induced histerior, normally arising from the 23 hours of pure shit that comes out of his mouth every day. Ernie is well known in Waffling Circles, and has been crowned, apparently, Bullshit King of the United Kingdom.

Amongst all of stories that Ernie tells daily (he does tell most stories many times), I have yet to hear one that is at least vaguely interesting. Nestled in-between his sagas concerning the Swedish plumbing system and Russian transport normally resides the most boring subject of all- his life. Without provocation he will enter into a phase of reflection, followed by a good hour or so of him telling us how much he hates himself. He will give us a monologue of how many thousands of pounds he has lost through being a twat, how his mother threw out his dinky toys when he was fourteen, and how we should make something in Design and Technology as boring and mundane as a door or a paint pot. Oh, the excitement.

Complimenting Ernie's horific amount waffle is Ernie's horrific amount of comb-over. Being 50 something means that Ernie is going bald, and instead of admitting it like most men, Ernie has decided to attempt to cover it up with the most ridiculous hair style you could possibly see. Every time he coughs or splutters, his comb-over lifts up a little, revealing the bald scalp below. This is not helped by the faeces coloured knitted pullovers that he often wears- knitted, presumably, by himself.

Being such a waffler means that Ernie gives us little time to actually do any work. He still demands that it be completed though, and after talking for 50 minutes of a 1 hour lesson, he complains that the resulting design looks like a pile of dog mess (or his pullover for that matter). His punnishements for poor work range from cleaning the worktops to a full-blown expulsion. It has even been rumoured that one poor pupil had to trim Ernie's nasal hair, presumably after being caught impersonating the teacher by putting a paintbrush up his nose.
"Ahhhhhhh. What the fuck is that stuck to Ernie's pullover.... Oh, its alright its only some nasal clippings"

"Ernie's recorded waffle made it to the final of 'The Most Boring Man In Britain' competition"

"I'd rather listen to a recording of an angle grinder than listen to Ernie"
by Becky Barnett July 13, 2006

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Top Definition
Someone who has been tormented from a young age due to having the same name as a puppet. He's good natured however and continues to smile at moronic, repetitive Ernie and Bert jokes. He wears funky shirts and is an inventive and passionate lover.

Secretly, he'd like to punch alot of people in the mouth.
That Ernie hides his violent tendancies with a big smile.
by rubytooshoos February 04, 2010

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Homosexual lover? Gimme a break! They're PUPPETS people!
Ernie is a *puppet* - without genitalia!
by Alfie The Horndog December 09, 2005

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(Also Ernest)
noun

In New Zealand, an amount of pot equal to $100 worth. (Approximately a third of an ounce)
A hundy or a hundred bag.
Given this name as Ernest Rutherford is on the $100 note in New Zealand.
Hey man, do you have an Ernie for me?
Yeah, sure.
*hands over one hundred dollars*
*receives one hundred bucks worth of weed*
by JezzBomb August 03, 2011

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A guy who is so fucking cool that he isnt very cool at all
Look at that guy over there leaning against the tree with his black sunglasses on not doing anything: he is such an Ernie
by DarkSentence July 30, 2010

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A happy-go-lucky guy who lives with a yellow piece of fabric named Bert. Secretly Bernie plots the downfall of the happy sunshiny days of Sesame Street and will end up ruling a dictatorship.
Ernie smiles alongside with everyone else as the fireworks light up the sky. What everyone else doesn't know is that soon, the whole place will be covered in flames within a 10-mile radius.
by xmancrushmonday November 28, 2016

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Ernie er en nørdet taber
Gal en Ernie

Fuck du er en Ernie
by Ølhunden March 02, 2016

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A sore on your ass from sitting around and doing crossword puzzles all day.
I was sitting around so long that I got an Ernie. It's an actual puss bug that I can't get rid of.
by ibew574 April 11, 2010

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