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1.
a long period of history, or the offsetting thereof... Good Lord, all of your definitions are so amiss!!!
You are all extremely stupid in your grasping groping for acceptance...
by twiztdkitti December 29, 2003
 
2.
A furry cute creature mostly known to magical people.
Aww.. Look at the cute Epoch!

It's so cute and fluffy!
I WANT ONE!
by The creaters of Epoch! July 12, 2009
 
3.
Epoch, or alternatively Gaypoch is a descriptive term for a type of person.
A person can be known as an Epoch if they meet any or all of these descriptions:

Name themself after a character from The Matrix, insist they had the name before the movie was made.

Script kiddie who upon finally learning one or more programming languages will promptly forget they used to steal other peoples work and claim it as their own.

E-threatens people with e-attacks to get e-power and e-friends to impress the e-ladies. Epicly fails to obtain the e-power they e-threatened for, claims e-victory regardless of result as admitting e-defeat would surely prompt them to immediately become An Hero.

Says 'mufufufufufufufu' in an attempt to appear to have a unique evil laugh. Only manages to sound as if they are trying to talk around something that is being repeatedly inserted into their mouth.

Is easily fooled into trusting you through simple methods of social engineering, upon learning of their own gullibility insists that you are a nark, and didnt actually mind rape them.

Works in low ranking position in fast food restaurant, insists they are still superior because they are e-making something of their e-self.

Confuses people who are only around to keep an eye on them, as being e-friends.

Is quite enthusiastic about growing the rare agricultural specimen commonly known as the Faggot Tree.

Proposes making a hacker 'coven' and naming the members the 'reapers' despite being in their mid 20's, by which point they should have grown out of the faggoth emo-nihilist attitude.

Fantasizes about get rich quick schemes involving google advertisements and automated proxy bots, as they know they will only ever obtain true success if they steal it.

Upon hearing of their being defined on UrbanDictionary, an Epoch will take the time to re-define themselves as "awesome", but will undoubtedly still insist they do not care what people say about them.

Is quite likely to become An Hero should they be deprived of their e-life for more than a few days.

Will one day obtain an EncyclopediaDramatica entry, but only after becoming An Hero, or writing it themself.

Can be seen carrying on 12 minute monologues on IRC, which generally consist of ego masturbation, because they are unable to find another Epoch to talk to. A prime example of such one sided conversations can be seen below (Names changed to protect the innocent):
(21:36) * Joins: epoch (Elite@S.L.A.C.K.E.R)
(21:36) <epoch> unwoot
(21:36) <epoch> bitch bot
(21:37) * epoch slaps
(21:37) <epoch> brb gotta roll me a shukk
(21:40) <epoch> yeaaa
(21:40) <epoch> wunderbaR
(21:40) <epoch> hey Rhythmdude
(21:40) <epoch> i just coded a vicious perl bot
(21:40) <epoch> forks 10 processes (runs 10 processes of the same process at the same time)
(21:41) <epoch> regexp edited servers.ni
(21:41) <epoch> *ini
(21:41) <epoch> so its all in the shape of
(21:41) <epoch> irc.whocares.net:6667
(21:41) <epoch> line for line
(21:41) <epoch> ultimo spamm0r bot 1.0 i call her
(21:41) <epoch> im watchin httpd.exe in tcpview openin all kinds of new connections
(21:41) <epoch> watchin the bot run too
(21:41) <epoch> FUN STUFF EH?
(21:42) <epoch> at least that will get my impressions up
(21:42) <epoch> to lower the CTR percentage
(21:42) <epoch> then i can go through and do a boring manual proxy click
(21:42) <epoch> firefox has 2 god-like plugins
(21:42) <epoch> one of them allows you to autoswitch proxies every set amount of seconds
(21:42) <epoch> and the other allows you to switch user agents
(21:43) <epoch> =fuckkin google pwnt
(21:43) <epoch> pay my bills you billionaire fucks
(21:43) <epoch> kthx
(21:43) <epoch> i know how ur robotz work
(21:43) <epoch> mkay
(21:43) <epoch> yea
(21:43) <epoch> its like that
(21:43) <epoch> when i get bored enough
(21:43) <epoch> ima code the automated proxy clicker
(21:44) <epoch> then step back and marvel at my own handiwork
(21:44) <epoch> and watch a check roll in
(21:44) <epoch> and fuck knows i need a check
(21:44) <epoch> start off slow
(21:44) <epoch> increase like $5 per day per month
(21:45) <epoch> get a good repetoire goin with the google logger bots of terror
(21:45) <epoch> yeaaaa
(21:45) <epoch> get enough money eventually to spring up 10 more sites with the exact same content as the one i have now, only a different css file
(21:45) <epoch> yeaaa
(21:45) <epoch> ownt
(21:46) <epoch> it seriously makes me horny when i think about it
(21:46) <epoch> because the amount of money possibilities
(21:46) <epoch> can get ridiculous
(21:46) <epoch> even when you take into consideration the bots and 'catcher' programs google could possibly be running
(21:48) <epoch> i should probably keep it hush hush
(21:48) <epoch> yea
(21:48) <epoch> goddamned faggot narks everywhere
by NarkTheMindRaper November 20, 2007
 
4.
Epoch means "totally rad". Derived from me being a completely awesome dude.
Epoch is so totally fucking awesome.
by Epoch December 11, 2003
 
5.
noun (count) - the perplex motion caused by jerking your hand up and down on you cock or the cock of a friend. masturbator - cock lover - jerk off king
- "Duuuuuude.... I just had an epoch! My friend necro just gave me one"

- "Son, if you epoch too much, you'll go blind!"
by Gunny_Snipes November 20, 2004