|71.||chuck norris:the real definition|
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.more...
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks. (New!)
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacifi...
An extreme activity that involves at least three sheep, five priests, and one lonely obese girl. Similar to badminton, the game usually consists of balls being hit over a large object. In some countries, it is also known as extreme teabagging but sometimes it may involve the use of a petrified elephant testicle and a one gallon tub of vaseline.
It is illegal in the United States of America, because it has caused acute testicular shrinkage in 20% of all Asian American males.
"I'm 64 and a chronic masturbater with a disturbingly large Beanie Baby collection, because I enjoy Eugene Kanning too much when I am in Sunday School."
"I'm extreme and I Eugene Kan on a daily basis. The only side effect is that I ejaculate dust."
|73.||Dead Baby Joke|
Jokes aimed at babies of the living and non-living nature. These are highly offensive, very crass, and horribly lewd. Which is why evryone loves them.
Dead Baby Jokes:more...
Q: What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: A baby with slashed floaties.
Q: What is green-black and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: The same baby three weeks later.
Q: What's red and yellow and floats on top of the pool?
A: Floaties with a slashed baby.
Q: What's red and sits in a highchair convulsing?
A: A baby eating razor-blades.
Q: What is red and white and squirms in the corner?
A: Dead Baby playing with razor blades.
Q: What is red, white and green and sits in a corner?
A: Same baby 3 weeks later.
Q: What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A: A baby playing in a plastic bag.
Q: What's blue and sits in the corner?
A1: Baby in a cellophane bag.
Q: What is green and sits in the corner?
A: Same dead baby two weeks later!
Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: One glass of Root Beer and two scoops of baby.
(If on a diet use only one scoop)
A2: Add 8 ounces of Pepsi with 2 scoops of dead baby.
A3: Take your foot off its head.
Q: And where did you get these babies?
A: Abortion Clinic.
Q: What is black and bubbly and taps on glass before it explodes?
A: A baby in the microwave.
Q: What is black and bubbly and taps on glass every ten seconds?
A: Dead baby in a carousel microwave!
Q: What's blue and knocks on glass?
A: A baby in a fishtank
Q: What is charred black and smells really bad...
This is what closeted gay GOP officials who try to get balls deep with strange men in public airport restrooms are called. They also like tea-bagging, felching, and playing feed the elephant. They are hypocritical sick lying scumbags.
Senator Larry Craig is a foot tapper. Many other republican foot tappers have not been caught YET.
1. used to describe one's chance (in percentage usually) ov having a sexual encounter; is now a part ov the weather forecast as it is scientifically proven to be in direct relation to the weather
"As you can see here all across west texas, there will be a forty percent chance ov precipitation, along with a fifty percent chance ov bonage here in the permian basin. so look alive out there."
A small white chihuahua who won't walk if she is wearing an outfit. Enjoys playing with golf balls and plastic easter eggs. Does not enjoy turkey basters, vaccums, and whale noises. Also responds to "dirty ju & juasaurus". Believes she is a snake,badger,cat, & elephant.
"What is that crawling on the floor?"
"Oh that's just a jubot.."
A heartless, bat-shit crazy, beady eyed, Evangelicalism faith following, fat sack of trash that doubles as the leader of the Conservative Party of Canada. In October 2006, this hot pile of garbage was elected the 22nd Prime Minister of Canada leading the Conservatives to a minority Government with a mere 36.2% of the popular vote.
Under the Harper lead Conservatives; Canadians have enjoyed significant cuts to once leading social programs, public health care system, and scientific research initiatives. While true, Harper enjoys performing Lucifer pleasing musical numbers on elephant tusk Grand Pianos; his true passion is delivering large corporate tax cuts with a particular affinity for the Alberta Oil and Gas sector.
Continual development of the Alberta Oil Sands under Harper’s Conservative government has impressively illustrated Canada’s new, complete lack of urgency in honouring UN commitments. As such, Japanese doctors are desperately performing continual surgery hoping to restore the 2005 Kyoto Accords’ ruptured testicles. Underwhelmed, Canada continues with swift, repeated, direct kicks to the Accords’ balls.
Harper holds the distinguishing honour as the party leader of the first Government in Commonwealth history to lose the confidence of the House of Commons on the grounds of Contempt of Parliament.
"Hey sweetie, that nasty skid mark in your undies looks just like Stephen Harper’s face.”