1. First a scientologist will approach you, offering you a free stress test. you will know they are a scientologist, as they will have the staring, unblinking 'crazy eyes'. they will be very reluctant to take no for an answer.
2. if you do go with them, they will hook you up to an 'e meter'. they will ask you to think of some deeply troubling experience, and when the meter moves slightly, they will present this as evidence you need therapy.
3. you will end up paying $400 a session to have whats troubling you 'audited' (cleared) from your mind. but get this: whats troubling you is, apparently, the souls of murdered aliens (thetans) in your head. betcha didn't see that one coming eh?