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1.
A fucking nasty STD just waiting to happen should one come into sexual contact with either a douche or someone who's previously been in sexual contact with a douche.

From the perspective of the sufferer, douchifilis has no obvious symptoms. But to the outside observer, sufferers of douchifilis become intolerable wankers, complete wastes of time and space and impossible to live with or be around as they are unable to recognise how irritating they are to the rest of humanity.

There is no known medical cure for douchifilis. However, recent trials suggest that application of verbal taunts and abuse from coked-up mirroring cockheads may help to isolate and contain the spread of douchifilis.
Doctor: Your test results are back and I'm afraid it's bad news...

Patient: What is it?

Doctor: You're a total fucking douche. You have douchifilis. To prevent the spread of the disease, we'll have to cut off your pecker. Nurse cockhead here will put you into isolation. Nurse cockhead.

Nurse cockhead: Yes doctor. Hey douche, what are you doing here douche? Where's your TV, douche? Where's your fridge, douche? Not here douche. You don't belong here douche. Get lost douche.

Doctor: You should have known fucktard that as far as douches are concerned, abstinence is the ONLY protection.
by Philby+habitcauseshit June 01, 2009