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1. douchebag index
The douchebag index (DBI) is a statistic that yields the number of days since a person last bathed. It is found by multiplying the number of visible tattoos (VT) by the number of missing teeth (MT).

DBI = VT X MT
This dude's douchebag index is 27, meaning that he hasn't bathed in about four weeks. He has nine gross tattoos and three missing teeth.
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