Attractive women (minimum age 18) with at least 4 of the following:
1. IQ so low they assume iq’s a percentage, and they’re just below average.
2. Low self-esteem, perhaps due to sexual abuse as child. (
NB: it’s unclear whether oceana
gash have childhood. They may simply spawn and respawn in Lloyds toilets).
1 and 2 combine to create a certain promiscuity, but OGs are not sluts. This word has negative connotations of STIs etc and could cast an unacceptably negative light on sexual relations with oceana
gash. Said relations with oceana
gash are nothing less than the
beautiful conjunction of all that’s good and true.
3.
Ass 'n' titties. Oceana
gash must have enough curvature to host a slalom, but must not be
fat. This is tested by observation of said
gash in a skintight dress that was clearly designed as a top. Any stomach wobble as she walks indicates she is not oceana
gash, but elephantine
gash. Such imposters have (1) and (2), but got over the abuse using promiscuity and comfort eating, rather than promiscuity alone. (NB: She must not resort to bulimia. While this can remove the gag reflex, it leaves a lasting tang of vomit and self-loathing.)
4. Excess make-up. This must be seen as positive: an effective approach is "o, she's put a lot on as she plans to have sexual relations with me, and when wiping sweat/semen/
blood/tears 'of joy' from her eyes, she doesn't want to remove the make-up.”
5. Produces suitable card when asked "where's your student id...FAM?!"
