If the situation calls for a more drastic description say " Thats an epic dick to the face!" or "That's God's dick to the face!"
Instead of using the word gay, meaning something that is bad or sucks (Example: You leave your homework at home you might say " oh my god. that's so freaking gay.") you can say "thats a dick to the face!"
Just imagine how awful if would be to get hit in the face with a dick and then it all makes sense.
Texting abbreviations: D2TF or DTTF
Statement: My girlfriend dumped me.
Response:Dude...thats a(epic) dick to the face.