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1.
Another expression for smegma; the festering remnants of cum which collect under the foreskin, becoming thicker and smellier with a pungent taste, and taking on a yellowier tone.
The next time you scrape out a tub of 2 week old 'Philadelphia' which has been left uncovered, you'll understand the comparison.
What's that awful smell? she wailed.
It must be the cream cheese and crud on my bell end, he summised 'I haven't washed it for over a week'
by ant August 08, 2004
 
2.
The solution to all computer related problems. All computers are terrified of cream cheese, particularly of having it smothered over their hard drive or around the keyboard. Faced with any problem, the wise computer user will simply reach for their handy container of cream cheese and hold it infront of the screen (where the computer can see it) in a threatening gesture. Terrified, the disobedient computer will quickly cut the crap and start working properly again.
Mischevious Computer: " Error 508D80AN937; the program has performed an illegal operation and needs to shut down." (Translation: Fuck off human, no mere mortal can control me! Muahahaha)

Computer User: "Aaaahhhh! Damnit! Not again! You fucking computer, you've messed with me for the last time! That's it, I'm getting the cream cheese!"

Mischevious Computer: "... ..." *emits sweat

Computer User: "Oh, think you're tough do ya? Take this!" *raises clump of cream cheese in hand

*Computer beeps loudly in a frightened high pitch tone and begins working properly

by Matt89 April 30, 2008
 
3.
A soft white cheese made of cream and milk; now comes in flavors such as strawberry, pineapple, chives & onion, and vegetable(ew).
Cream cheese plays an integral part in cheesecake. yum
by stitchshift January 01, 2006
 
4.
Something that is used to spread on your partner's body during sex. Popularized by getting stuck in a girls braces, it was coined by a couple who are mentally retarded.
Girl: I'll get Randall over here and spread cream cheese all over me!
Guy: Oh hell no, thats my job!
by Anjew123 March 29, 2009
 
5.
People who look a little TOO perfect.
upper middle class...white or black.
That dude Fabio is one Creamcheese lookin mother fucker.
by deadpuppet April 06, 2005
 
6.
When a guy cums in a girl with a yeast infection.
Man, Ashley had a yeast infection and I hate condoms so I gave her that cream cheese.
by TeeJay78 April 27, 2013
 
7.
A nickname for someone who is a smooth talker. It works well as a boy or girl's nickname.

Caution: Anyone Cream Cheese will be able to easily pull you in with their easy-to-listen-to words!
Guy: Man, that girl knows just the right things to say to me!
Guy 2: yeah, man, she's Cream Cheese at heart...
by Iamallama July 02, 2011