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1. cracked my head open
quite possibly the most fucking ridiculously exaggerated and stupid way to describe a very minor head injury, such as a tiny cut.
Bill: -hits head on wall
Mandy: dude, wtf did you do that for?

Bill: AW MAN I'VE CRACKED MY HEAD OPEN -shows pointless 'injury' off to friends. GUYS, LOOK I CRACKED MY HEAD OPEN

NO. THAT'S JUST A CUT. I COULD CAUSE MORE INJURY TO YOU WITH MY ARSEHOLE.
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