America's premier ass kicking artist since the early 1960's.
Even at age 63 Chuck Norris can kick any guys ass in the US of A and most of the world and beyond!
a spinning roundhouse kick to the head
if you keep fucking around i'm gonna give you a chuck norris
by wolf January 11, 2005
A crazy crusty old conservatard, who everyone thinks is an unstoppable badass for some stupid reason.
Why are so many people in awe of Chuck Norris? He's a crazy moron who nobody listens to, and he's NEVER looked good on film.
by CFij July 07, 2015
1) Great martial artist. He'd kick any of your asses.
2) Horrible actor, don't kid yourself. Even HE knows he's not a good actor.
3) Star of many great movies (eg. Missing In Action) and TV shows (eg. Walker Texas Ranger).
4) Center of the internet craze of "Chuck Norris Facts", where people made up one liners about how amazing Chuck Norris is. They were hilarious when they came out in early-mid 2005, but now everyone and their dead grandma has heard these jokes, and they're getting old.

Chuck Norris himself has offered commentary on these jokes:
"I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as 'Chuck Norris facts.' I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, 'Against All Odds?' They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, 'The Justice Riders', released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts."
No matter how many people abuse these jokes, Chuck Norris' tears will ALWAYS cure cancer, yet he will NEVER cry!
by REDWHITEnCrue25 February 22, 2006
Ozzy Osborn bit the head off of a bat. Not to be out done, Chuck Norris bit the head off of Batman. The man is a force to be reckoned with, and if you don't know who he is, don't worry he knows who you are and he's coming for you.
Before the Partwii, Lauren, the cyborg, bus surfed over to Mickey D’s with his brofriend Chuck Norris and bought a McGangbang happy meal with the funds that he jacked from his sugar momma after his disco nap that afternoon. Chuck pulled out his phone from his nuthuggers and started sexting a ginger slice with a tramp stamp that he had been friendly following ever since they shared a game of Jager pong. Lauren gave Chuck the air jerk as he noticed Tanasa the grade digger that sat next to him in his art class. Lauren gave her the “let’s just be friends” nod and grabbed his happy meal. As Lauren walked outside he saw, Bruce, the designated drunk, as he started wailing teenybopper show tunes. Bruce was manstrating again and wanted his fix of Dr. Pepper and Big league chew. The night of celebrating Lauren’s nomotion had barely even started and already he was knackered.
by Micron X February 24, 2010
The act of when your having sex with your partner and they don't survive the night. Just like all the girls that slept with chuck norris.
Dude, did you know that Shawna died last night? I heard Dave did a chuck norris with her.
by eat my poo plz November 16, 2008
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

Chuck Norris does not know about this site. Otherwise he would have deleted the internet.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "Fucking."

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Chuck Norris is fucking amazing.
by chuck "fucking" norris December 10, 2005

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