It is said that Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. The only problem is that Chuck Norris never cries.
The boogey man checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night lite. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Only problem is, he's never cried.
Whenever Chuck Norris smiles, a dying person is saved. Unfortunatly, Chuck Norris only smiles when he's killed someone.
The Chuck Norris action figure has slept with more women then most men.
When Chuck Norris was 13, he slept with every nun at the local monestary. Nine months later, the 1977 Miami Dolphins were born - the only undefeated team in NFL history.
Chuck Norris once slept with another man. Not because he was gay, but because he ran out of women to sleep with.
Chuck Norris and God are playing chess. Who wins? Ha, trick question. Chuck Norris is God!
Chuck Norris once built a time machine to go back into time and save JFK from dying. Chuck Norris dove in and stopped all three of Oswald's shots with his beard. JFK was so amazed his head exploded.
Chuck Norris was once told by a man that the roundhouse kick was not as effective as a roundhouse punch. Chuck Norris immediatly kill the man with a roundhouse kick.
When entering the White House, Chuck Norris merley has to say "Chuck Norris" to be waved past the Secret Service.
In grade school, Chuck once had to write an essay on who the most powerful and influential person in the world was. He wrote the words "Chuck Norris" and received an A+.
"Oh God, screw me!"
"I already have."
"Chuck Norris just killed Kenny with a roundhouse kick!"
"Jesus, Chuck Norris just killed Cartman with a roundhouse kick!"
1) If you rearrange the letters in Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris will kill you.
2) Someone actually asked for Chuck Norris's autograph. He now has a permanent footprint carved into his forehead.
4) Chuck Norris doesn't grocery shop. Food comes to Chuck Norris in fear of Chuck Norris looking for food.
5) A man once said that Chuck Norris isn't that tough. Pieces of this man are still orbiting the Earth.
6) What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper soaked in the blood of the reporter who wrote a negative review about one of Chuck Norris's movies.
7) Three blind mice gave Chuck Norris a dirty look.....once.
8) Chuck Norris doesn't fight. Nobody's that stupid.
9) The four horsemen of the Apocalypse were hired after Chuck Norris quit
10) Chuck Norris was slated to star in "The Matrix" until the writers realized that the movie would then have only been a second or two long.
11) Chuck Norris doesn't give you the finger. He breaks all of yours.
12) If it looks like Chuck Norris might be late for something; time slows itself down.
13) Chuck Norris once got caught in the rain. This region of Earth is now known as the Sahara Desert. Rain will never fuck with Chuck Norris again.
14) A man once asked Chuck Norris to define his feminine qualities. This man has become the deepest human ever buried.
15) One day while Chuck Norris was salmon fishing with his bare hands he saw a huge Kodiak bear. The bear played dead.
While Jesus was the son of God, CHUCK NORRIS was the father of god.
Some facts include:
Jesus can walk on water, inpressive? CHUCK NORRIS can swim through earth.
CHUCK NORRIS is so straight, he never touched a single man in his life, whenever he gave a man a roundhouse kick, he was merely kicking the space in between his foot and his victim's face. (like in the movies, but all victims still died from massive head trauma.)
CHUCK NORRIS can divide by 0.
CHUCK NORRIS is watching...always.
CHUCK NORRIS's daily excercise routine includes wrestling bears, holding back airplanes with his bear hands, pushing trains, and lifting mountains with ease.
CHUCK NORRIS was born 10 March 1940, the Cold War ended 11 March 1940, just saying.