Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afriad of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

It is said that Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. The only problem is that Chuck Norris never cries.
Chuck Norris will knock you out son!
by Dude with no name March 09, 2006
A Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could supply the world with energy for the next 2.53 billion years. However, due to the level of danger involved in trying to harness this immense source of energy, scientists have resorted to a safer avenue of research; trying to control the kaboom from thermonuclear weapons. It is also suggested a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick may hold the key to incredible new breakthroughs in propulsion technology.
The Mars Lander did not actually crash on Mars because of a programming mistake... The transporter carrying the lander to the launch site cut Chuck Norris off and he roundhouse kicked the lander *into* Mars. NASA officials are attempting to understand this new form of propulsion. So far there have been no survivors from this dangerous research. NASA is accepting applications at this time.
by Launchpad McQuack April 23, 2006
Chuck Norris can devide by 0.

The boogey man checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night lite. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Only problem is, he's never cried.

Whenever Chuck Norris smiles, a dying person is saved. Unfortunatly, Chuck Norris only smiles when he's killed someone.

The Chuck Norris action figure has slept with more women then most men.

When Chuck Norris was 13, he slept with every nun at the local monestary. Nine months later, the 1977 Miami Dolphins were born - the only undefeated team in NFL history.

Chuck Norris once slept with another man. Not because he was gay, but because he ran out of women to sleep with.

Chuck Norris and God are playing chess. Who wins? Ha, trick question. Chuck Norris is God!

Chuck Norris once built a time machine to go back into time and save JFK from dying. Chuck Norris dove in and stopped all three of Oswald's shots with his beard. JFK was so amazed his head exploded.

Chuck Norris was once told by a man that the roundhouse kick was not as effective as a roundhouse punch. Chuck Norris immediatly kill the man with a roundhouse kick.

When entering the White House, Chuck Norris merley has to say "Chuck Norris" to be waved past the Secret Service.

In grade school, Chuck once had to write an essay on who the most powerful and influential person in the world was. He wrote the words "Chuck Norris" and received an A+.
"What's your name, hansome?"
"Chuck Norris."
"Oh God, screw me!"
"I already have."

"Chuck Norris just killed Kenny with a roundhouse kick!"
"That bastard!"
"Jesus, Chuck Norris just killed Cartman with a roundhouse kick!"
by LowDownJack February 06, 2006
The name of the toughest guy in Hollywood. Many references to Chuck Norris's toughness have been made. Some examples follow.

1) If you rearrange the letters in Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris will kill you.

2) Someone actually asked for Chuck Norris's autograph. He now has a permanent footprint carved into his forehead.
3) Chuck Norris doesn't bathe...Water asks permission to make contact with Chuck Norris's skin.

4) Chuck Norris doesn't grocery shop. Food comes to Chuck Norris in fear of Chuck Norris looking for food.

5) A man once said that Chuck Norris isn't that tough. Pieces of this man are still orbiting the Earth.

6) What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper soaked in the blood of the reporter who wrote a negative review about one of Chuck Norris's movies.

7) Three blind mice gave Chuck Norris a dirty look.....once.

8) Chuck Norris doesn't fight. Nobody's that stupid.

9) The four horsemen of the Apocalypse were hired after Chuck Norris quit

10) Chuck Norris was slated to star in "The Matrix" until the writers realized that the movie would then have only been a second or two long.

11) Chuck Norris doesn't give you the finger. He breaks all of yours.

12) If it looks like Chuck Norris might be late for something; time slows itself down.

13) Chuck Norris once got caught in the rain. This region of Earth is now known as the Sahara Desert. Rain will never fuck with Chuck Norris again.

14) A man once asked Chuck Norris to define his feminine qualities. This man has become the deepest human ever buried.

15) One day while Chuck Norris was salmon fishing with his bare hands he saw a huge Kodiak bear. The bear played dead.
by thedude1963 April 20, 2013
The shit, every shit, everything around the shit, everything on the shit, the shoes that have stepped in the shit, the shit on the shoes, the smell of the shit, the flies that eat the shit, basically....the shit.
Chuck norris doesnt need an example
by beeb the destroyer January 31, 2011
One drop of ball-sweat from Jimmy Page's nuts mixed with two drops of ball-sweat from Bruce Lee's nuts.
Chuck Norris is combined ball-sweat of two gods.
by the-truth-of-life January 08, 2011
Chuck Norris is going to DESTROY you for looking up his definition here.
Chuck Norris: What the fuck, he’s lookin’ at urban dictionary, doesn’t know who the fuck I am?! I’m coming over their house RIGHT NOW to beat the shit out of them!!

Chuck Norris is GOD.
by dogsread31 January 02, 2011

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