The baddest man on the planet.
There's no such thing as evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
by azrael07 September 23, 2006
When Chuck Norris is not home, when his wife masturbates she uses a jackhammer to simulate his penis.
When Chuck Norris is not home, when his wife masturbates she uses a jackhammer to simulate his penis.
by Carlospiceywiener March 07, 2011
The only man in history to have lost his virginity before his dad.
When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
by Laminoth July 10, 2009
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.

When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.

Chuck Norris invented the apple.

Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.

P is for Chuck Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet.
chuck norris

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by flabbergasted!! March 15, 2009
2 be or not 2 be? that is the question. the answer? chuck norris

whats the meaning of life? chuck norris

when the dinosaurs became extinct it wasnt because of a meteorite, it was because of chuck norris

one time adam and eve had a party in the garden of eden. they failed to invite chuck norris so he roundhouse kicked them out of the garden and shoved an apple down adams throat, which created the adams apple

the united states could save billions in defense funding if they trade the military for chuck norris

chuck norris invented fire when he was staring at a piece of log and laser beams shot from his eyes

chuck norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with laser beams from his eyes

chuck norris does not get frostbite. chuck norris bites frost
science fact: roundhouse kicks r comprised primarily of an element called chucktanium

Chuck Norris + Roundhouse Kick - Bruce Lee = Jackie Chan & Jet Li

once chuck norris played the best poker player in the world. he won using his laser vision to burn the other mans cards

chuck norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf

chuck norris puts the ass in assassinate. by this i mean he roundhouse kicks ur ass

when arnold says the line "i'll be back" in the first terminator movie it is implied that is he going 2 ask chuck norris for help in the sequels

the first law of thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets chuck norris

the movie kill bill is actually a childhood biography of chuck norris

when chuck norris does a pushup, he isnt lifting himself up, hes pushing the earth down

when chuck norris jumps into a pool, he dosent get wet, the pool gets chuck norrised

one time a man asked chuck norris for directions. to make his point, he grabbed another man, and ripped out his heart, painted n,s,e,w in their directions with the blood, jabbed a magnet down the mans throat, put him on the ground and spun him.

chuck norris once worked as a weatherman for the san diego evening news. every night he would make the same forecast: partly cloudy with a 75% chance of pain

chuck norris doesnt daydream. he's too busy giving other people nightmares

the word kill was invented by chuck norris. other words were die, beer, and please

chuck norris went to america before christopher columbus, but after roundhouse kicking all the natives, he got bored and retired to anarctica

if u ask chuck norris what time it is, he always says, two seconds til. after u ask, two seconds til what? he roundhouse kicks u in the face
the only creature to ever have defeated chuck norris is curious george, not because he was strong, but was too cute
by aznguy November 25, 2006
The most powerful man in the world save one, the person who defeated him in mortal combat upon the slopes of mount olympus. The Incarnate of Zues, king of the gods, known only as Souther, managed to dodge one of Chuck Norris'
roundhouse kicks, and punched him in the face, defeating him. However even though it was mortal combat, Chuck Norris still lives, and Souther was so impressed with his god-fighting abilities that he retired from fighting, and became a latin teacher.
(There is also some speculation that this "Souther" was Chuck Norris in disguise and moved so fast that it apeared to observers that there were two people.)
Student: "my teacher fought Chuck Norris and won"
Uninformed Student: "No, nobody can beat Chuck Norris"
Student: "no, for real, they trained at the same dojo, and my teacher beat him in a spar"
Uninformed Student: "no way! He'd have to be like Zeus or something"
*Uninformed Student explodes because he is simultaniously hit by a lightening bolt and Chuck Norris, who greatly respects the only man to ever defeat him*
by KadanJoelavich October 24, 2006
The greatest kickboxer the world has every known.

Chuck Norris is not a force of nature; nature is a force of Chuck Norris.

How many Chuck Norris' does it take to screw in a light bulb?
There can be only 1 Chuck Norris, and then he will
roundhouse kick you in the face, smartass.
Hail to Chuck Norris or be dispatched.
by QuantumZ September 27, 2006

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