Bleck. Bad music made worse by the cheesy lyrics. They usually claim to be hardcore but are grossly poseurish.
On the Southpark Christian rock episode.
You guys aren't hardcore.
YOU BET YOUR GOSH DARN REAR ENDS WE ARE!
bland, generic lyrics aimed to brainwash youth partnered with equally bland tunes and instrumentals. it is successful only because the record executives and right wing christian leaders saw that they had enough bible-humping teenagers to make a fat profit off of.
NO ONE, and i mean NO ONE with good music taste, regardless of their religious persuasion, will be caught dead listening to christian rock, or christian music of any kind for that matter.
because, you just cant make "oh jesus, my lord and saviour, my one and only, thank you" into a good song.
it just wont happen.
cool kid: whatre you listening to?
lame wannabe christian kid: its Thank you Lord, the latest CD from God Rules, this amazing christian rock band. its really good, theyre so talented.
cool kid: go fuck yourself.
lame wannabe christian kid: its because i'm a christian, isnt it?!?
cool kid: no, its because youre an idiot. bye.
A sub-genre of rock that will always be second-rate due to atheists' superior headbanging skills.
Guy 1: Hey wanna listen to some Christian rock?
Guy 2: Sorry, dude, atheists are just too good at headbanging.
Guy 1: How come they're so good?
Guy 2: Christians believe in standing upright at all times, like Jesus.
Guy 1: Jesus wasn't standing upright when he was dragging his cross.
Guy 2: Yeah, well, look what happened to him.
Guy 1: So you're saying that lack of faith in a divine power will make one more hardcore?
Guy 2: For a beginner you're pretty good at disbelief. Kudos.
Music like rock, but centers on praising jesus or god or whoever the hell compels people to write songsof this nature. Starting out like a Bon Jovi ballad, songs from this genre usually tricks listeners into thinking it is regular rock, but halfway through the song the band breaks into prayer. Most listeners feel betrayed by this sudden change in lyrics and change to a different song of a different genre. The rest saw it coming and enjoy listening to it for some reason. If this depicts you, you are either an old person, or are to sheltered to know what good music sounds like.
what a christian rock song may sound like...
"I woke up in the morning
and I got myself some oatmeal
and I put some raisins on it
CHRIST IS GODDDDDD
CHRIST IS GODDDDDD
CHRIST IS GODDDDDD"
Mike Birbiglia, The Oatmeal Song
A genre fueled by various degrees of rock music-loving Christians. Often criticized for bland or mushy lyrics, mostly on the grounds that profanity is not present. It is found in one of the most misunderstood CD aisles at your local Wal-mart. The critics usually have no idea what they are talking about, since the only music that they've heard is the kind played on the "Contemporary Christian" radio station. The real rock music is never played on the Contemporary Christian stations, hence its followers are either broke from buying CDs or are sadly breaking the commandment "Thou shall not steal."
Topics addressed in Christian Rock include all those found in regular rock music, but with a biblical twist. Many songs cannot be identified as part of Christian music, except for the challenge that they propose to society.
Person 1: I love Christian Rock, especially Switchfoot!
Person 2: Switchfoot is Christian Rock? I didn't know that. Well, I'm never listening to them again. I'll stick to polluting my mind with worldly ideals, thank you very much.
1. Bland and generic music that seems to have a formal/harmonic/rhythmic template which all music wanting to be classified in the genre must use.
If you are synesthetic and christian rock is played, you will probably touch/taste/see/smell ass