36
n. A Christian is someone who believes an omnipresent omnibenevolent deity exists who understands and comprehends everything in all of it's intricacies, no matter how small or mundane. Perhaps more miraculous than the being itself is the unwavering denial, even in the wake of 9/11, and Slavery, and the Holocaust, and the child sex rings in Cambodia, and the dark ages, and the use of an atomic bomb...twice...on civilians.
"Police say a Forrest City, Arkansas man has been charged with raping his 8 day-old baby."

Child: Mom why did the man hurt the baby?

Mother: Well sweety, the baby simply didn't pray hard enough, if the baby had been a good christian and taken notes, not only would it have avoided rape, but would be rich and peeing on underage girls like that upstanding R. Kelly fellow. That man can pray, and it shows! *sigh* It's good to know that there's a force of perfect good keeping everything in balance
by Ignorancekills August 24, 2009
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37
1. a number of well-intentioned people who believe in peace, a single omnibenevolent, omnipotent, and omniscient God, and humanity's potential. Such people are often met with derision from non-Christians, who hypocritically associate this form of Christian with definition 2 Christians.

2. a group of people noted for their bigotry, close-mindedness, and hypocrisy. Often noted for using their religion, recent atrocities inflicted by psychopaths, and other tangential references to justify whatever social, political, or economic agenda they favor, e.g. anti-homosexual and anti-video game. Most pretend to be of the other variety of Christian, though empirical data has shown that even the few that do actually believe in the tenants of the religion of Christianity rarely follow them, for whatever reason. Maybe they're jealous of the people they persecute (no, we won't give you a pre-release copy of Halo 4).
1. Mother Theresa's charity work should be a radiant beacon to which Christians and the rest of humanity should aspire.

2. Christian (possibly ex-) attorney Jack Thompson seeks the removal of violent video games from the market by insisting that any and all atrocities that have ever happened or will ever happen are the direct result of people playing too many violent video games. Also, he's stalking me...What? It's true, I swear!
by Galbrept, the Incompetent March 18, 2008
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38
A person who believes a person named Jesus died because he claimed he was God, and supposedly came back to life by unexplained scientific means. Their religious text "The Bible" is divided into two parts, each one contradicts the other. They also share the first half of "The Bible" with the Jewish faith, however they disagree with most of it.

In some weird fashion, Christians identify their Deity (God) as three people in one, explained below.

Jesus- The son, God is somehow his child.
God- The father. Weird.
Ghost- The third part, which we really never hear about but plays a huge role in our "salvation".

Christians are usually identified by their social nature, their biblical teaching tells them to love on another and constantly spread the word of Christ (The Bible). Pretty much Christians are recognized because they are complete assholes, or pussies. Generally the kid who sits at lunch hall alone, and cries at break period. Be wary, if you associate with them they will probaby shove the word down your throat.
Christian: Hello, Good sir! I would like to share the word of Christ, who is also God and the Holy Ghost at the same time!
Person: .....What?

God: Jesus, I am your father's nephew's uncles brother's sister's brother's father's son.
Jesus: I know, for Christianity is the most clear text in the universe. I wrote it!

Parent: You must believe in Christ, or else we will disown you!
Child: But Mom.....!
Parents: Silence! You must be stoned to death for disobedience! (Deuteronomy 21:18-21)
by Desperate Advisor October 31, 2010
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39
People who use a religion called "Christianity" to cover up one or more personal weaknesses/flaws. Christians are often associated with racism, homophobia, and child molestation.
by Bad_Religion March 31, 2005
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40
Those who practice the religion Christianity.

Sometimes reffering to a name of a person.

They can be found anywhere. They are very easily recognized by seeing if they carry these traits.

Narrow minded, homophobic, sexist and often found believing in imaginary friends.

Common beliefs of a Christian.

- homosexuality is wrong.

- that an imaginary supreme being called god loves them.
- Oh my gawd, Christian is moving schools!

- Oh god, that Christian preacher was annoying as hell.
by krnhsgw July 10, 2008
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41
One who believes that the god intelligent and impressive enough to have created the beauty and mystery of life, love, and the physical laws behind our existence is the same being that is going to send most of the people that ever existed to an eternity of torturous punishment because they had the wrong ideas regarding the unknowable and unseeable make sense to them.
by Urban Dictionary September 13, 2007
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42
One who believes in a being who stands behind a wall no one can see through, and decides whether or not to torture you forever based on if you can guess what color shirt he is wearing.
A Christian will assure you that hell is a justifiable punishment for sin, without realizing that arbitrary blind faith is the reason their god actually decides whether or not to send you there.
by Josh V January 14, 2009
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