a horribly unfunny comedian with the most irratating voice in the world, no comedic timing and no idea what a punchline is, just disguises random words that vageuly relate to the subject as one. Also noted for seeing racism where there is none.
Chris Rock: Doctors don't cure shit! They don't cure shit! The last disease doctors cured was polio, when's the last time you met someone with polio?
Impersonating a boss and his employee
Chris Rock: "Why weren't you at work today?" "Oh, my polio's actin' up again!" They don't cure shit!
me:what the hell? why is that funny?? how does it relate? what does the extinction of disease have to do with Physicians "not curing shit"
Chris Rock: There are three types of women in the world: A: Women that give NO head. B: Women that give just enough head to shut ya up and my favorite C: the women that want nothing more than to suck a dick.
me:uhhh..ok. what about women is enjoy it ocassinally? to only certain ppl? wont suck a horribly unfunny guys dick? I could go on and on dissing this very inconclusive, poorly thought out "punchline"
Chris Rock: Guys, have you ever been with your lady in bed and you both talkin' dirty then you say somethin' that got you kicked out of bed. Where the woman's like "Fuck me! Harder, harder, harder! Fuck me daddy! Fuck me! Fuck me! Spank me! Fuck me!" "Alright, ya ho!" "Who're you callin' a ho? Who da fuck are you callin' a ho? Untie me!"
me:no. creepy fucker
Chris Rock: God forbid some brown people got wealthy... We can't have that! Because drugs come from brown countries. We can't have no wealthy brown people! There are no wealthy black or brown people in America.
me:Oprah, Denzel, Will Smith, your unfunny ass, Cosby.
“Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know? People are nice to ya, they give you the beneift o' the doubt... You drive a flash car down the freeway and the cops'll pull y'over and before they even look they like 'What the f**k are you doing?' and then they see it's you and they like 'Awww man, it's Chris Rock, it's okay, man we thought you was a nigga'
me:its not a matter of race. white people+white celebs get pulled over. Exact same thing happens. they let the celeb go. they give the mid class a hard time. thanks for seeing things that arent there.
One of the funniest Comedians alive!
One of my favorite things he has done would have to be the "Black People Vs.Niggers"- and I am NOT being racist at all! He seriously said it!
"I WISH THEY LET ME JOIN THE KKK-I'd do I drive-by from here to Brooklyn."
"Fe-fi-fo-figga-boy I hate a nigga"
"I take care of my kids"- YOUR SUPPOSED TO YOU DUMBMOTHAFUCKA!
"I've never been to jail"- WHAT YOU WANT, A COOKIE?
But not all people on welfare are black. Their are white people on welfare too. But we cant give a fuck about them! Broke-ass mothafuckas, Livin in trailer homes, Eating mayonaise sandwiches, fuckin' their sista's, listening to John Melloncamp
A bitch that gives the welfare sees a bitch with 9 kids- and is PISSED OFF- she sais "BITCH STOP FUCKING! PUT THE DICK DOWN! AND GET A JOB!"- "Get a job holdin dicks- whatever you do- Just stop fuckin!
No one cares when you get outta school-
"I just got outta school! Got my masters!"
"So what- dont come around here with all that readin and shit- see I can count too 1,2,4,9 So- what! You be countin these rcks byotch!"
"but I got my masters!"
"So what you my master now???"
"Dropped out of school- got myself a GED- u know waht that is? it stands for a Good.Enough.Deploma.
Only college you can go to witha GED is a community college- you know why that is? They be lettin all kinds of people in- crack head,prostututes,drug dealers-COME ON IN!!!
I took a black history class- thought that I'd pass it cuz Im black right? WRONG- FAILED IT. Aint that som...
a black comedian who was founded by eddie murphy first appeared in beverly hill cops 2 and is now one of the most succesful and funniest comedians within the modern comic age.
Chris Rock is "never scared"
The funniest comedien to date. Has a book called Chris Rock "Rock This". Chris Rock Never Scared was one of his best skits. He's ill.
Chris Rock "Rock This" was the funniest books ever. READ IT!
Talented black comedian who is unfortunately a bit racist. But not out of control though like the 5 percenters. Played Pookie the crackhead in New Jack City.
Chris Rock: "I'm with Jay Z we gotta have our guns..."
an amazing bugget
Hey, do you want to be my Chris Rock?
a black comedian who thinks every one who ain't black is a racists. he is so funny that i'd see every movie he's in cuz i kno its funny.
in tha words of chris rock "why it got to be a white christmas why can't it be a black christmas"
An unfunny and seriously overrated, African-American comedian renowned for starring in his self-titled, comedy sitcom Everybody Hates Chris
, being a cast member of Saturday Night Live
in the 1990's, hosting the Academy Awards and starring in a string of hopelessly, cringe-inducingly, unfunny films like Nurse Betty, Bad Company, Beverley Hills Ninja and Down to Earth.
Rock's comedy routines/skits primarily revolve African-American culture (which resonates well with his typically 80-90% Black audiences he performs for), as well as swearing his head off and using the N Word
If he was a Caucasian/Asian/Hispanic or any other racial category, he would be booed off stage so loudly that his raspy, hoarse, "I-just-swallowed-razorblades" voice would be drowned out once and for all.
The man has no material outside of Racism against African-Americans and Rap Culture, as well as being totally clueless about impeccably-timed delivery.
Chris is much like a dim-witted and sheltered version of Dave Chapelle
, who likes to critique and over-analyze Black society without having experienced even 1/4 of the stuff he refers to as being normal parts of a Black lifestyle.
Chris Rock on stage: "You don’t need no gun control, you know what you need? We need some bullet control! Man, we need to control the bullets!!!"
99% Black audience: "AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA, MA' MAN CHRIS BE FUNNY AS HELL, FO SHO!"
Sole White person in the audience: "Wtf was that? I just wasted 75 of my hard-earned dollars."