Impersonating a boss and his employee
Chris Rock: "Why weren't you at work today?" "Oh, my polio's actin' up again!" They don't cure shit!
me:what the hell? why is that funny?? how does it relate? what does the extinction of disease have to do with Physicians "not curing shit"
Chris Rock: There are three types of women in the world: A: Women that give NO head. B: Women that give just enough head to shut ya up and my favorite C: the women that want nothing more than to suck a dick.
me:uhhh..ok. what about women is enjoy it ocassinally? to only certain ppl? wont suck a horribly unfunny guys dick? I could go on and on dissing this very inconclusive, poorly thought out "punchline"
Chris Rock: Guys, have you ever been with your lady in bed and you both talkin' dirty then you say somethin' that got you kicked out of bed. Where the woman's like "Fuck me! Harder, harder, harder! Fuck me daddy! Fuck me! Fuck me! Spank me! Fuck me!" "Alright, ya ho!" "Who're you callin' a ho? Who da fuck are you callin' a ho? Untie me!"
me:no. creepy fucker
Chris Rock: God forbid some brown people got wealthy... We can't have that! Because drugs come from brown countries. We can't have no wealthy brown people! There are no wealthy black or brown people in America.
me:Oprah, Denzel, Will Smith, your unfunny ass, Cosby.
“Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know? People are nice to ya, they give you the beneift o' the doubt... You drive a flash car down the freeway and the cops'll pull y'over and before they even look they like 'What the f**k are you doing?' and then they see it's you and they like 'Awww man, it's Chris Rock, it's okay, man we thought you was a nigga'
me:its not a matter of race. white people+white celebs get pulled over. Exact same thing happens. they let the celeb go. they give the mid class a hard time. thanks for seeing things that arent there.
One of my favorite things he has done would have to be the "Black People Vs.Niggers"- and I am NOT being racist at all! He seriously said it!
"Fe-fi-fo-figga-boy I hate a nigga"
"I take care of my kids"- YOUR SUPPOSED TO YOU DUMBMOTHAFUCKA!
"I've never been to jail"- WHAT YOU WANT, A COOKIE?
But not all people on welfare are black. Their are white people on welfare too. But we cant give a fuck about them! Broke-ass mothafuckas, Livin in trailer homes, Eating mayonaise sandwiches, fuckin' their sista's, listening to John Melloncamp records!
A bitch that gives the welfare sees a bitch with 9 kids- and is PISSED OFF- she sais "BITCH STOP FUCKING! PUT THE DICK DOWN! AND GET A JOB!"- "Get a job holdin dicks- whatever you do- Just stop fuckin!
No one cares when you get outta school-
"I just got outta school! Got my masters!"
"So what- dont come around here with all that readin and shit- see I can count too 1,2,4,9 So- what! You be countin these rcks byotch!"
"but I got my masters!"
"So what you my master now???"
"Dropped out of school- got myself a GED- u know waht that is? it stands for a Good.Enough.Deploma.
Only college you can go to witha GED is a community college- you know why that is? They be lettin all kinds of people in- crack head,prostututes,drug dealers-COME ON IN!!!
I took a black history class- thought that I'd pass it cuz Im black right? WRONG- FAILED IT. Aint that some sad shir. A black man failing black history. Cus you know fat people don't fail cookin! "THATS PEPRICA."
You wanna know why I failed black history? I dont know no shit about Africa. The only thing I know about Africa is that it's FAR. Africa is like a 35 hour flight. So you know that boat ride as real long! That boat ride was so long that their are still slaves on their way here right now!
Rock's comedy routines/skits primarily revolve African-American culture (which resonates well with his typically 80-90% Black audiences he performs for), as well as swearing his head off and using the N Word profusely.
If he was a Caucasian/Asian/Hispanic or any other racial category, he would be booed off stage so loudly that his raspy, hoarse, "I-just-swallowed-razorblades" voice would be drowned out once and for all.
The man has no material outside of Racism against African-Americans and Rap Culture, as well as being totally clueless about impeccably-timed delivery.
Chris is much like a dim-witted and sheltered version of Dave Chapelle, who likes to critique and over-analyze Black society without having experienced even 1/4 of the stuff he refers to as being normal parts of a Black lifestyle.
99% Black audience: "AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA, MA' MAN CHRIS BE FUNNY AS HELL, FO SHO!"
Sole White person in the audience: "Wtf was that? I just wasted 75 of my hard-earned dollars."