He's one of those guys who you just know could kick your ass. Physically, and mentally, without even giving it a second thought. To be a Chris Caldwell of the world means to be a virtual connoisseur of anything, and everything. To know everything about the modern world, and to drop musical deuces on those who piss you off.
Band kid 2: "Holy shit it is, let's play our notes right or he'll pour hot water on our feet and beat our asses backstage."
Janitor: "Wow the grass on the marching field sure did spring up this year!"
Drum Major: "It's because Caldwell made everyone cry so much they irrigated that shit."