Gah...those chavs really do suck.

You can look at them in two ways; one being the non biased way and te other being the biased. I'm gonna pick the biased way cause chavs just suck ass. And if they don't they want to.

TYPICAL NAMES: Michelle, Kelly, Brooke, Zoe, Ella ect (nothing too intelectual)or jack, Tom, Chris, Scott (once again, simple.)

AGES: One group can range between 11-15 whilst the other is the older, more 'hardcore' group of 16-21 year olds.

WHEREABOUTS: Local market, Macdonals, Police cell, Park, Bus Stop, Police car, Dodgy 24 hour off-license or in big groups on the highstreet harrassing greebos.

Female chav: Straightened hair or hair pulled so tight its the croyden facelift effect, good skin ONLY because they use like half a pot of stolen concealer, either incredibly skinny or fat but pretends not to be, miniskirt and short tanktop or white tracksuit bottoms and matching tracksuit jacket with a white or baby pink/baby blue tank-top underneath, nike trainers which are scarily clean, three ear piercing, each with thick gold hoops adorning them, and possibly a diamond earring in the cartalidge. There will be gold rings on each finger, possibly up to 20 on each hand, and numerous amount of necklaces, but one being boyfriends thick gold chain and a moving clown necklace from argos, and not forgetting the essex/london accent that is made worse, and the shouting and the bottle of white lightning and/or beer attached to hand.

Male Chav: Ew. There is a choice of a skinhead with a little bit of stubble or spikey hair if your white, but if your black its either skinhead or cornrows. White tracksuits ONLY, and wollen socks that the trousers are tucked into and the perma white trainers on show. Only one diamond earring is required, and if they are old enough some form of stubble is grown, and finally, a deep voice, which doesnt matter about the accent but cocnkey or Essex is usually known in male chavs but less important for them to maintain, unlike female chavs.

CARRYING: Females carry push chairs wih babies in, or after six pm its a bottle of white lightning or malibu, whilst males deck themselfs with attractive knifes and baseball bats.

DANGERS: Everything about them. Breathe near one of them and if you ain't a chav you'll probably get knifed. Best to avoid eye contact with female chavs otherwise they will assume you are 'evilling' them.

female: Baby called Brooklyn/Romeo/Cassie/Michelle, White ligntning,pure vodka,alcopops, MacDonalds, shouting highpitched, dance music.

male: Knifes, Baseball bats, Burberry caps, beer, Shouting at lone greebos, saying innit.


Female: Greebos, Police, not being allowed out to reck havoc.

Male: Greebos.

CONCLUSION: They're just twats in general, thinking people like them when they really should just jump off the nearest cliff.
Chav: So yeh innit mate let scat to maccy d's nd see if the rest of da crew are there innit and if anybody is startin on me or ma bird they are ognna get here 'ead kicked so lets move!
Girlfriend: -highpitched- Aiiite!!!! look at that greebow ova there ohmigawd she just gave me evails!!!

Greebo: -looks over- Um...what? -mutters underbreath- Retarded chavs.

Girlfriend: -higherpitched- Whatttt did she just say?! What did YEW just say to mai?!
by Robyn Cator September 01, 2006
Comes from a police term:
"Council House Associated Violence". Basically anything that's gained or has the potential to gain an Anti-Social Behaviour Order. Too young to prosecute fully, too old for a plain and simple slap - unless you know somewhere really dark you can lure him to first >;¬)
A 14 year old burberry and "bling" clad vandal/gangster wannabe who belongs to parents that are probably too busy to pay attention to little "Kev" except when the police knock the door because he's TWOC'rd next door's car again , causing the likelihood of an ASBO and them all getting evicted.
Kevchav has a 13 year old girlfriend called Chantelle who's pregnant, yet they still spend their pocket money on carlsberg, fags and chewing gum.
by sistercrow June 30, 2005
Grown up chavs are adults who some 50odd fags a day and tend to claim lots of benfits because they pulled a muscle in there back 10years ago so they can't work anymore, although they have no money they all seem to wear tacky designer lables suchs as, Buberry, Lacost, Fred perry, and all kinds of sports lables.
Chav Children are kids who have shitty perents who have taught them nothing in life so they are all in the special clases in school and are always causing trouble they have smoked since they were about 8 and all wear tracksuits and eat at mcdonalds, chav girls are all little tarts who wear tiny mini skirts and have there boobs hanging out, and this is like when there 12.
chavs are bad
chav msn conversation

MaRkY G ErE Kickin Dis Shit Up says: yo yo yo
Robyn ErE Lovin Mg For LyF says: hya huni
MaRkY G ErE Kickin Dis Shit Up says: wha u duin 2nite bbe?
Robyn ErE Lovin Mg For LyF says: goin out wiv joe n hannah u wanna come? am gonna get me sister to buy us some alcahol?
MaRkY G ErE Kickin Dis Shit Up says: ah yeah mate deffo den we cn get in a fight wiv some goffs!
Robyn ErE Lovin Mg For LyF says: yer bbe
MaRkY G ErE Kickin Dis Shit Up says: invite sme freak inta da convo am in da mood for fightin
Robyn ErE Lovin Mg For LyF says: alright bbe
CHAVS ARE GAY! has been added to the conversation
MaRkY G ErE Kickin Dis Shit Up says: ight gay boy
CHAVS ARE GAY! says: I'm a girl you loser
Robyn ErE Lovin Mg For LyF says: LMFAO she called u a loser! luk hus talkin!! ur a freak why you spell like that u av nofin betta to do.
CHAVS ARE GAY! says: Shut up at least I can speak proper English and have a higher IQ than your whole famliy put together, theres about 40 people in your family isnt there?
CHAVS ARE GAY! says: You dont even know where I live
CHAVS ARE GAY! has left the conversation
MaRkY G ErE Kickin Dis Shit Up says: lmao we so fukin showed her
Robyn ErE Lovin Mg For LyF says: yer
MaRkY G ErE Kickin Dis Shit Up says: yer
Robyn ErE Lovin Mg For LyF says: hmm lets go have under aged sex
MaRkY G ErE Kickin Dis Shit Up says: IGHT!
by rosesaysyourgay August 04, 2006
Also known as homo inferior mushtus. The latest evolution of the common Rat.

Generally a pack animal, chavs are only to be found alone when serving "blackup" duty for a fight or theft. Otherwise there will be at least five of them, ranging in ages from 8-24.At least half of them will be related in some way, leading one to presume that the chav culture encourages inbreeding. This pack is not to be underestimated, as if angered it is quite capable of taking down a stunned 3 year old, if it has the element of surprise.

Standard attire has already been mentioned multiple times in these definitions, so I do not believe I need to elaborate there.

Years of self-enforced isolation from the rest of the cultured world has lead to the chav race developing it's own primitive culture. In this ideology, tacky "celebrity" icons are awarded the same devotion as demi-gods, when there only claim to fame is either through making an appalling R&B track, posing naked for newspapers, or appearing on a dubious reality TV show such as big brother.

The pack leader of a group of chavs can easily be recognised: usually the oldest, he (chavs are patriachal) will always be smoking a 2-week old fag, will be so laden with fake gold "bling" that he will barely be able to walk, and will be wearing the most realistic looking fake sports gear. The Head Chavs word is law in such a pack, though sometimes there are contests for leadership.

Such contests are highly ritualised. They will inevitably start with a slur on the head chavs parentage. The head chav will then reply "you wot mush?" or something similar, and will walk threateningly towards the other chav, indicating that the challenge is accepted. The two chavs will stand together, looking straight into each others face, trying to use sheer body mass to push the other one down. Eventually, one chav will have to use his arms to force the other one back, to avoid being overpowered. Insults will continue up untill this stage. Once the pushing back stage has occured, overall victory will be granted to the chav who can "nut" the other one quickest. Such contests of strength are very common.

The chav language is a crue facsimile of the English dialect of the region they inhabit. The words have been twisted beyond all recognition, and often used to mean the complete opposite of what they used to mean. For example, chavvettes are often refered to as "fit" by male chavs, when they appear to have all the sex appeal of a dead haddock. Expletives, "innit", "like", and "yeah" are used instead of commas, full stops and other punctuation marks in the chav speech.

The government debates over this problem nearly every day, but so far no action has been taken. They can't decide whether to use Napalm, Nukes, flamethrowers, or just give each human citizen a shotgun and tell them "happy hunting".
Chav translator guide:
"You wot mush? Fuckin' bang you out!"
Means: "I believe that you have inadvertly insulted me. I am likely to take offence over this slur."

"And wot, you batty, wot you gonna fuckin' do abowt it?"
Means: I cannot think of something to say at this moment in time. Please wait untill my brain cell has aligned itself correctly and we may be able to talk.

"Oi, mate, you gorra lite?"
Means: I have accidently forgotten my cheap, inefficient lighter or packet of cut-price matches. Please can you help me, despite the fact I am 4 years to young to smoke.
by Azrael88 March 12, 2006
The chav, more commonly known as 'Arsing scumbags'. The group of youths that have commonly given teenagers are bad name. Thus chavs should be hung up, shot, gutted, quartered and run over by a Buick.

To identify a chav, use the common aging sports brands, the stupid gorilla look and walk, the burbery clothing and baseball caps that are too small for their own head. The chav generally has a very low IQ - ranging between -4 and 3.

The motives to chavs actions are the appearance of wanting to be 'Bling' (as the chavites say). The 'Ardnuts' are the most commonly respected and thus the most hated.
Kev: "Bling bling innit my homie Mary?"
Mary: "Innit Kev!"
Kev: "You gotta fag?"
Mary: "What the fuck you think i'd give you a fab ya gay?"
Kev: "Aye yer mum."
Mary: "Back off nigga before I pop an Ice Cream in your ass!"
Kev: "Let's fuck off and happy slap some old wankers!"
Mary: "Aye yer mum."
by Decster584 May 23, 2005
ppl who wear burberry and try to look hard by walking like they're missing half of their leg.sometimes missing half of their teeth making the delusion that they fight all of the time(not very well piano teeth).usually seen riding in ford escorts or 'chaviots' as i call them.chavs cannot afford real clothes so they either buy things that they think are cool which have "fallen" off of a truck in liverpool.or they steal it from their local market.
Usually listen to Fatman Scoop or some other faggot american who shouts too much."kez ya batty, let me roll!"
by Anthony Smith March 07, 2004
A label stupid, poor, lower class, trampy people gave themselves in order to fit into some kind of steriotypical group (because all the other groups reject them).

They live in estates, feeding off our taxes through benefits, which they spend on countless rings, thick gold chains, cigarettes and alcohol.

If it wasn't for the government these people would be homeless.

simple as.
Copper: You're under arrest.
Chav: What the fuck for?
Copper: Swearing at a police officer!
by the_end_is_nigh (myspace) August 02, 2005
The typical definition of a chav is almost very certain to fix ideas in many heads.
For one, these can be recognised by their so called 'Bling' , the lowest of all jewellery that is available from many markets, Argos, Woolworths and others.

Their clothes. Picture a school kid, approx. 14 - 17, dressed in a wide range of 'top' brands of clothing. Burberry, not to mention the price, FAKES. Fred Perry, their designer sign in whole striped tops and their ancient £5 tracksuit pants or 'Trackies' with the noticable 'boulder burn' from the amount of Cannabis they smoke. And their trainers, tough old Rockports. Whenever did the name of Rockport, the expensive good brand which now is recognised as 'Chavvy'

Normally. They purchase old, wrecked cars from Metros to Escorts and take them to Kwik-Fit and use their benefits usually paying the bills on large alloys wheels. Their car, boasting a massive stereo normally a CD-Player with a wasteful, tasteless amplifier glued to the boot lid.

Their fashion for underage unprotected sex when under the influence of alcohol is not the only put down. They ruin the beer brands. And smoke, booze and end up dieing early.

Potencially found on alleyways infested with the smell or urine and excrement, drug tools suchas 'Buckets, bongs' and 'Joint stubs' , not to forget, the broken up WKD bottles and empty 'dogged' Vodka quarter bottles.

These are the most stupid, denied mixture of society you just feel like sending to an island with the occasional reptile and make them suffer.

Keep away you fools..
Dirty, dingy, boozing, drug-abusing and unprotected sex at 13...
by GregUKUK June 01, 2005

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