Gah...those chavs really do suck.

You can look at them in two ways; one being the non biased way and te other being the biased. I'm gonna pick the biased way cause chavs just suck ass. And if they don't they want to.

TYPICAL NAMES: Michelle, Kelly, Brooke, Zoe, Ella ect (nothing too intelectual)or jack, Tom, Chris, Scott (once again, simple.)

AGES: One group can range between 11-15 whilst the other is the older, more 'hardcore' group of 16-21 year olds.

WHEREABOUTS: Local market, Macdonals, Police cell, Park, Bus Stop, Police car, Dodgy 24 hour off-license or in big groups on the highstreet harrassing greebos.

Female chav: Straightened hair or hair pulled so tight its the croyden facelift effect, good skin ONLY because they use like half a pot of stolen concealer, either incredibly skinny or fat but pretends not to be, miniskirt and short tanktop or white tracksuit bottoms and matching tracksuit jacket with a white or baby pink/baby blue tank-top underneath, nike trainers which are scarily clean, three ear piercing, each with thick gold hoops adorning them, and possibly a diamond earring in the cartalidge. There will be gold rings on each finger, possibly up to 20 on each hand, and numerous amount of necklaces, but one being boyfriends thick gold chain and a moving clown necklace from argos, and not forgetting the essex/london accent that is made worse, and the shouting and the bottle of white lightning and/or beer attached to hand.

Male Chav: Ew. There is a choice of a skinhead with a little bit of stubble or spikey hair if your white, but if your black its either skinhead or cornrows. White tracksuits ONLY, and wollen socks that the trousers are tucked into and the perma white trainers on show. Only one diamond earring is required, and if they are old enough some form of stubble is grown, and finally, a deep voice, which doesnt matter about the accent but cocnkey or Essex is usually known in male chavs but less important for them to maintain, unlike female chavs.

CARRYING: Females carry push chairs wih babies in, or after six pm its a bottle of white lightning or malibu, whilst males deck themselfs with attractive knifes and baseball bats.

DANGERS: Everything about them. Breathe near one of them and if you ain't a chav you'll probably get knifed. Best to avoid eye contact with female chavs otherwise they will assume you are 'evilling' them.

female: Baby called Brooklyn/Romeo/Cassie/Michelle, White ligntning,pure vodka,alcopops, MacDonalds, shouting highpitched, dance music.

male: Knifes, Baseball bats, Burberry caps, beer, Shouting at lone greebos, saying innit.


Female: Greebos, Police, not being allowed out to reck havoc.

Male: Greebos.

CONCLUSION: They're just twats in general, thinking people like them when they really should just jump off the nearest cliff.
Chav: So yeh innit mate let scat to maccy d's nd see if the rest of da crew are there innit and if anybody is startin on me or ma bird they are ognna get here 'ead kicked so lets move!
Girlfriend: -highpitched- Aiiite!!!! look at that greebow ova there ohmigawd she just gave me evails!!!

Greebo: -looks over- Um...what? -mutters underbreath- Retarded chavs.

Girlfriend: -higherpitched- Whatttt did she just say?! What did YEW just say to mai?!
by Robyn Cator September 01, 2006

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a person that wears clothes that look like pajamas every day of the week until the dirt intergrates its self in to the material(im mean gross). they normaly live in council estates. chavs will never pick a fight unless they outnumber that person 5 to 1. most chavs wear burberry (a realy shit checked pattern) which looks crap. the only thing worse than burberry is fake burberry which is for those chavs to cheap to buy the real thing!chavs are totally unreasonable. avoid chavs at all cost if you do encounter a chav on his own u will fine as at the sight of you he will have craped him self but be warned if you meet a group of chavs you will be challenge the best thing to do in this situation is to punch the one that challenges you his "mates" shall then shit them selves and run away.
chavs will shorten words like "isnt it" to "n it" and "brother" to "bruv"
by Dave February 17, 2004

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chavs are people who wear trackies and named clothes,and the girls wear big fake gold earings they all have an attitude problem and need to have a good punch round their faces
omg i fuking hate them cause there not like me cause i think im so good wwhen really im a bag of sh**
by holly March 03, 2005

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well what can i say i dont need to tell people what a chav is BEX and GEM are doing just fine telling people what a chav is they are the scum yes SCUM of the earth i mean whats wrong with skaters and guitar playing and what s wrong with what we wear?
a Chav= bex and gem i mean we fucking hate you two retarded fucked up chavs i mean look at your self just look at your self you minging biatches
by chav hater February 15, 2004

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chavs are part human part dog offspring. this comes about from their slaggy mother being so slaggy they actually turn into a dog.the change happens very slowly so no one realises.

due to this nature the chavs hang around in packs, usually consisting of about 8 males who regularly meet up with their chavettes (the female of the species) in the carparks of train stations. they also dwell in the doorways of mcdonalds trying to start a fight with anyone that comes within a 2 meter radius of them, as long as the person is under 4 feet tall, therefore showing no threat.
they are almost always white, and very skinny, where the chavettes are usually overweight, with large stretchmarks on their stomachs form excessive baby having. a chavette will have one baby every year from the age of 13, with their 'boyfriends' being at least 2 years older.
the chavs love hiphop and rap music, while also being extremly racist towards black people but more so asians, who they think are draining all the taxes that they should be getting, which is obviously not true.
they wear plastic tracksuits, imitation reebok, though some may stretch their benefits to buying a reebok baseball cap. the matching traksuit is usually dark blue with a white stripe, white sports socks pulled up to the ankles with the tracky bottoms tucked into them. wearing cheap trainers that they keep emaculatly white, usually writing reebok on them themselves to impress their other chav mates (reebok is the only brand most of them know, though some may progress to nike). if they cannot afford a reebok baseball cap, it is imitation burberry.
they always have one ear pierced with an oversized stud in that jut looks gay, and lots of fake gold jewellery and sovering rings, and one eyebrow with too much shaved off to look good, as they slipped while holding their razor cos their hands are so greasy.

the chavettes wear exactly the same but a pink tracky with more jewellery and 7 large hoops in their ears and their belly button pierced. they dont wear a cap but have their long greasy hair tied back in a ponytail so tight you can see their dandruff. they also have a large 3 seater second hand pushchair, with 3 different coloured children in, all at different stages in the chav development, with caps already fitted and ears pireced.
the chavs smoke tiny fags that they have found on the floor around bins, because of this they are prone to spitting so never approach them.

they will find a really shitty old car and 'update it' by robbing bits off other shitty old cars and gluing them on with pva. they never drive these cars but just stand by them looking 'cool'.

common chav names: dean, darren, kevin. common chavette names: tracy, stacy,

also know as kevs,kev
dean: aw shit tracys havin anoter littlun agin innit.
darrun: so is stacy. whut slags innit.
dean: they so stoopid getting preeeeegnant innit
darren:yeah. hey tracy wanna do it in maccy d's bogs innit?
dean: hey thats my girl innit.
darren: its ok. you can borrow stacy innit.
dean: ok. innit.
by spanksy February 19, 2005

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The chav is much like a wild beast. The chav is commonly found in packs hunting on the open plains of the council estate. Their main source of food is found at the local McDonalds, where a Big Mac and fries will see them tamed for over 20 minutes.

The chav's delicacy is known as Vegrandis Parvulus or Small Child.

Aproaching a chav is thought to be very dangerous, especially of you are under the age of 12 and/or a lone female.

Chavs are also responsible for the crime ratings increase that their country of origin has seen over the last 5 years. Unfortunatly, chavs are seen as the cancer of the United Kingdom and as such, many professionals have been searching for a cure. As of yet, all known cures are still illegal.

The chav is also known to posess many magical powers. A chav can afford to own a car and modify it to the extreme (maxing), whilst still being on the dole. The chavs powers also extend to their ability to 'Get away with murder' in a court of law. Law abiding, tax-paying citzens should stay clear of any legal conflicts when it comes to chavs, as they will undoubtably be found to be at fault. Yes, if you was subject to an unprovoked attack by a group of 20 chavs, and left for dead, you will have been recorded on their knock-off video mobile phones and will be found guilty in a court of law for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and using excessive force to protect yourself.

The chav is however misunderstood. Many people beleive that the chav is illiterate. This is untrue! How else would they know that the paper they have picked up is the 'daily sport'?

The chav also has a very high reproductive system, partially due to the fact that they would 'Shag a trapped rat' and their lack of experience with contraceptives.

The chav is also inexplicably strong as a pack of 20+. On it's own a chav is about as solid as a new-born baby's turd.

The female of the species is known as the Chavette, and commonly wears a white knock-off tracksuit and 9crt Gold plated Clown Pendant.

The male of the species is known as the Chav, and can be seen sporting burberry, tracksuits and cheap 9crt Gold plated Soveriegn Rings. These also double up as a weapon.

The prefered method of transport is a mates clapped out, highly modified, 2-door shit box of a car with an oversized exhaust and clap trap stereo. They are skilled in getting more people into a small car than any other species known to man kind.
Jordan, A.K.A Katie Price - The ultimate chavette; Big titted minger with a fake orange tan.

Blazin' Squad - Pack of numerous dickheads trying to rap someone elses songs.

Goldie lookin' chain - Group of welsh wannabe rappers.

There are many more. If you wish to see the Chav in it's natural habitat, visit McDonalds on a Saturday Afternoon or take an evening stroll through your local council estate. (Please, do not go 'Chav Watching' alone)
by ConcreteMonkey February 03, 2005

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Closest thing to a human dog.

They tend to walk in packs consisting of a few males and one bitch (usually for mating). If given eye contact they will take it as a challenge and defend themselves using a knife (also known as shank). Their diet consists of cheap food and cider/beer which they got from benefits.
Fur colour ranges from dark to light tracksuits with a flat peak, gold collar and gay ass trainers. Mode of transport is normally a shitty little car which they think is 'sick'. They communicate with one another through loud, annoying music and by using words such as 'safe, innit, narrrr mate! and wot ya saying blud?' most of the time this is hard to distinguish.

Highly aggressive-avoid at all cost.
search around dark, poor areas and street corners, you will find plenty of chavs for examples
by jessie_louise1 April 21, 2010

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This breed of superhuman, sorry, i mean 'super-stupid-human' can be distinguishable by several features, including their inability to pronounce parts of each word, and their shirts that look like theyve all been scribbled on by some kid called 'Nickelson'. They come into your towns like a plague and seem to multiply...i cant think of anyone who would want to actually mate with them though, so have come to the conclusion that the fucktards see fuck-tard are breeding with themselves. Some, in fact, all breeding has turned out unexpectedly, leading to mutations and deformations of the face, personality, and the giant hoops that protrude from their ears. The gold that they wear yes...were all really convnced that you can afford gold jewellery yet are forced to shoplift toilet tissue from ASDA... is truly impressive...they are obviously kings among men...or chimps rather. But what i admire most is how versatile they are. They can adapt easily to the cold, tucking their trousers into their socks, further proving that people can be so dumb that they lose the ability to dress in the correct order...but overall chavs are great people - if ever an Aeroport Radar Tower fails, never fear! as long as theres a chav handy, the once Nauseaous angle at which their caps were placed can double up as a heavy duty radar tower or microwave transmitter - the vast amount of radiation from the microwave signals must explain their strikingly obvious lack of common sense and social image
The bext thing about a chav though is just how looking at one can make me laugh - having gone into my local cornerr shop and encountering about enoguh chavs to fill a bus i was on the floor...i cant but help my urge to laugh at these poor..meek little creatures in the struggle of speaking english.
Well, ive truly outdone myself as far as rambling goes, but for a breed this inferior and ...well..dumb, a surprising amount can be said.
'Awww mate! aiv pissd maself!! heh heh, look at dat! is all up your leg too! proper BO!'

'hah hah i stol dis hat from dat grandad over dere - how 'ard am i??'
next day - all chavs in sight show off their new fashionable flat caps, and tht means theres now a load of poor OAPs with nothing but bare, shiny heads.

oh god, its another hundred chavs..
by Party December 17, 2003

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