A prime example of regressive evolution. What's left over now that Britain's working class has become middle class.
Chavs tend to be either skinny and physically underdeveloped due to excessive consumption of illegal stimulants and long periods running from the police, or morbidly obese due to a diet consisting primarily of any American Burger Corp's finest offerings.
Chavs can often be found loitering in large herds, engaging in a range of antisocial behaviour around urban landmarks such as bus stations, shopping malls or McDonald's - basically anywhere they may come into contact with normal folk whom they can try to intimidate from within the safety of the chav herd.
The Chav female, or chavette, reaches breeding age at the age of 9, at which time her pregnancy to family friend "Uncle Dazza" (aged 26) may be publicised on the front page of the Sun newspaper. This may also lead to an appearance on daytime TV and a period of incarceration for "Uncle Dazza".
Bizarrely (see mating section below), elders in Chav communities often have an obsession with Paedophiles ("Pedos") which is often whipped into a frenzy by the British Tabloid press. This prompts one of the Chav communities' quaintest customs - "Pedo" outings, at which Chav young are taught the basics of identifying and dealing with Pedos by (generally female) members of the Chav community. During this event, which often run in summer and take the form of a kind of community Festival, everyone from "Paediatricians" to "Podiatrists", or even just slightly beardy middle aged men, can expect to have their windows smashed, their property vandalised, or possibly even their bodies beaten by a horde of placard wielding, chain smoking Chav grandmothers (even though most of them are barely out of their 30s). In light of this, many civil libertarians are alarmed at government moves to publicise the names of known "pedos" to the communities in which they live. It is likley, however, that identifying an offender will involve a form of higher brain activity, such as reading long words, thus mollifying a significant element of the vigilante threat. Generally, middle aged men with scratchy beards and hygiene problems should avoid Chav communities during "Outing" festivals, as should anybody called Pete, or with a "Ped", "Pod" or similar in their job title or name.
Chavettes are known for their fecundity, and can typically be expected to have a brood of 4 children to unlocatable or jailbird fathers by the age of 17, thus allowing them a range of state support and childcare, freeing up more of their time to loiter in chav herds seeking out new breeding partners whilst "mashed" on alcopop.
The mating ritual for a chav is interesting, particularly in so far as there is often a substantial age difference between the male and female breeding partners (often a decade or more in favour of the male). The male is generally either a relative/ close family friend of the female, or a complete unknown. Usually, mating begins when the male identifies his partner amongst a crowd of loud female chavettes in a communal setting such as JD Whetherspoons. Her receptiveness is often signified by the role of belly fat protruding from her boob tube, the shortness of her skirt, the taughtness of her Croydon facelift, her willingness to flash her diamante thong on demand, and above all her level of inebriation. Once he has identified her as likley to be compliant, the next step is to ply her with more alcohol, and see off competitors with a series of intimidating stares, or even violence if neccessary (although this may result in an early exit from the mating arena). Mating is usually in a secluded location (e.g. bent over the wheelie bins outside).
After a gestation period, usually of 9 months, the Chavette gives birth to an underweight baby who is often addicted to nicotine from the womb. She will typically name her young after a Movie star, boyband member or footballer (Romeo, Jordan, Keanu etc.) or after the place he was conceived (Cinderellas etc.). It is rare for the male Chav to have any part in the upbringing of his young, prefering instead to lodge on a succession of friend's couches until the CSA can no longer locate him and responsibility for his genetic legacy is duly passed to the state.
Chavs can be upwardly mobile. After a short spell in a correctional facility, many of them dispense with twoccing cars and may find cash in hand work as a doorman or labourer. Some of them may graduate to owning a white van, thus signifying that they own their own business or have a contract, which they will then use to tailgate other road users around the main roads of Britain whilst making oscillatory hand gestures.
Listen to the sound of Urban Britain... Can you hear it? Yes.. the sound of Police helicopters... the sound of "Pedos" gently having their windows smashed to a crescendo of jeering.... the sound of a 5 year old boy being mauled by his drunken chav father's pit-bull terrier as he dozes off to the football on sky......
Steretypically, the chav is possibly the most imbecilic, arrogant, mindless, violent and stupid person around. They gather in large numbers and hurl insults to anyone who does not follow thier 'fashion'. Which consists mainly of fake gld jewelry, Burberry, tracksuits and other sportswear. Also, a peaked cap is a must have all-season accessory.
-A girl all in black walks past a group of chavs-
Chav:Oy, you, you a fuckin' dirty greb or somefin'?
-Girl walks of faster-
-CHavs start to follow-
Eventually, the girl gets sick of the, and will find some of her friends, who sort out the chavs
Also known as Charv
Chavs tend to swagger, throw out those West/East side hand gestures, and act rude. They are usually antisocial, but very confident in themselves. Chavs don't usually play sports because they are known to be lazy. They enjoy happy slapping
and being obstructive to society. Most Chavs take part in underage drinking, smoking, drug use, and sex. Slang is definitely an important part of being a chav. Instead of 'isn't it' they say 'innit' and they replace the 'th' sound with the 'd' sound.
What they wear:
-tracksuit bottoms tucked into socks
-fake Burberry (FAKE)
-gold/silver chains (FAKE)
-Sports caps or Burberry caps
-tracksuits (pink or baby blue)
-gold/silver chains (FAKE)
-large hoop or dangle earrings
-tight pony tail
-thickly applied makeup
(Innocent person walks down street minding their own business.)
Chav: "What you lookin' at?"
The chav is normally a class of people below working class, i.e classless if you like. They have no money of their own as they get all of this from the government.. how nice of them. Getting payed to do nothing, and incentive to have many many offspring - as they get even more money for this. And, free housing.
The chav father is typically 12 - 17 years of age , towards their early 20's they will have roughly 10 chilren of whom all have different mothers.
The same applies to the chav mother except she will have 10 children of different fathers! this is how they are planning to take over the world - OVERBREEDING.
All chavs have to wear "uniform" if they want to be a part of the gang, if they do not conform to this "cult like" demands of the leaders they will be extradited until they learn to do as all others do. Typically, they all wear imitation sports clothes, a favourite look is to tuck ones socks into ones trousers, possibly to intimidate passers by.
One of the favourite habits of the chav is to hang around shopping centres near argos and "maccy'dees" as they like to call it. They feel that they are very scary, often calling out swear words and insults that would not impress three yr olds. "oi spekkie" , "haha t**t you've got a tie on" . yet when confronted they usually run away, if not they just cowar!
lastly they have built their own language from base english, most words are less than 2 sylables long so as not to confuse each other. not that they would know what longer words meant anyway as most drop out of school at 11.
either a fit young lad hanging round in bus shelters, parks or churchyards usually wearing a tracksuit with his bottoms tucked into his socks or a old lazy fart that lives on benifits or a young slut!!
o o im a chav il top ya motor!!
A frighteningly unintelligent (AND POOR) creature with no morals or fashion sense. For more information see:White Trash
CHAV: Oi! wot u lukin at! I iz well 'ard i iz mate. I'll fukin merk ya! Ya fukin gay goff, innit.
CIVILIZED PERSON: Pardon? I'm afraid i don't speak Working class scrounger language. Can you speak any English?
CHAV: YOU FUKIN STARTIN! I'LL FUKIN BATTER YA! YA CHEEKY GREB!
CIVILIZED PERSON: Please go back to your council estate you pathetic piece of POOR WHITE TRASH.
CHAV: YOU FUKIN WOT!?
(Luckily, by this time the police arrive and arrest the chav for breaching the conditions of his Anti Social Behavioural Order.)
A humanoid drone with no intentions in life other than to go to prison, steal things from old women, and beat 4 year olds. In this episode of "Exploring Vermin", we dissect the Chav's existance.
A Chav is motivated not by its own brain(whether or not it has one is unknown) but rather the actions of its pack(see 2), with some of its more aggresive actions fuelled by the beatings it was given whenever it made a single noise for the first 5 years of its life. It generally aims to:
-piss off every living thing around it
-make itself look like a complete arse
-chug enough monster and red bull to make an ant be able to cross the world twice in around half an hour
2: Interactions of its kind
Chavs hunt in a small pack of 5-6 males with one or two chavettes, usually for extra dickhead motivation. The group of arseholes will then try to look hard
in front of the female(s). The Chav will attack anything nearby, including small children, brick walls and postboxes, usually ending in an ASBO
Chavs will consume anything as long as it is not healthy in any way. Chavettes notably treat vegetables as poison.
-cannot display, number exceeds 99999999.
Chavs and chavettes will reproduce once every few weeks, ers, a scientifically proven fact.
Ha, that's ...
Those people that walk around, trackies with shit stains, hair so greasy you could fry chips in it; and those all important gleaming white trainers.
These 'people' are like the walking dead-they are practically zombies, walking around looking like they've been dragged from hell. You'll often see chavs, roaming the streets in their 25 people gang, threatening anyone with their famous 'I'll bang ya' and 'You want knocking out mate' lines. These people live on cheap alcohol (they can't afford the real stuff), and they're all important cigarettes. Any money that has miraculously been saved up, usually goes on a new pair of fake gold hula hoop earings for the girls, or new speakers for their burnt out, dinted chav car. Note these speakers cost more than their shitty little car...which also has about 12 exhausts.
Often walking around with their 15 children when they are only 18 themselves, they'll spit at you if you make eye contact, and will insult you on your clothing-even though your one outfit costs more than there 20 pairs of trackies put together. They are often seen queing outside of job centre-though of course we must bare in mind that they have no intention of having a job.
They lack a proper education, as they failed to turn up to school. This unfortunatly means that they have low intelligance, often leading them to say incorrect things such as 'I fink you're stupid'...they seem to struggle pronouncing 'th'...really, we must sympathise with them...