The chav is much like a wild beast. The chav is commonly found in packs hunting on the open plains of the council estate. Their main source of food is found at the local McDonalds, where a Big Mac and fries will see them tamed for over 20 minutes.

The chav's delicacy is known as Vegrandis Parvulus or Small Child.

Aproaching a chav is thought to be very dangerous, especially of you are under the age of 12 and/or a lone female.

Chavs are also responsible for the crime ratings increase that their country of origin has seen over the last 5 years. Unfortunatly, chavs are seen as the cancer of the United Kingdom and as such, many professionals have been searching for a cure. As of yet, all known cures are still illegal.

The chav is also known to posess many magical powers. A chav can afford to own a car and modify it to the extreme (maxing), whilst still being on the dole. The chavs powers also extend to their ability to 'Get away with murder' in a court of law. Law abiding, tax-paying citzens should stay clear of any legal conflicts when it comes to chavs, as they will undoubtably be found to be at fault. Yes, if you was subject to an unprovoked attack by a group of 20 chavs, and left for dead, you will have been recorded on their knock-off video mobile phones and will be found guilty in a court of law for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and using excessive force to protect yourself.

The chav is however misunderstood. Many people beleive that the chav is illiterate. This is untrue! How else would they know that the paper they have picked up is the 'daily sport'?

The chav also has a very high reproductive system, partially due to the fact that they would 'Shag a trapped rat' and their lack of experience with contraceptives.

The chav is also inexplicably strong as a pack of 20+. On it's own a chav is about as solid as a new-born baby's turd.

The female of the species is known as the Chavette, and commonly wears a white knock-off tracksuit and 9crt Gold plated Clown Pendant.

The male of the species is known as the Chav, and can be seen sporting burberry, tracksuits and cheap 9crt Gold plated Soveriegn Rings. These also double up as a weapon.

The prefered method of transport is a mates clapped out, highly modified, 2-door shit box of a car with an oversized exhaust and clap trap stereo. They are skilled in getting more people into a small car than any other species known to man kind.
Jordan, A.K.A Katie Price - The ultimate chavette; Big titted minger with a fake orange tan.

Blazin' Squad - Pack of numerous dickheads trying to rap someone elses songs.

Goldie lookin' chain - Group of welsh wannabe rappers.

There are many more. If you wish to see the Chav in it's natural habitat, visit McDonalds on a Saturday Afternoon or take an evening stroll through your local council estate. (Please, do not go 'Chav Watching' alone)
by ConcreteMonkey February 03, 2005
Emerging British subculture which is quickly becoming an epidemic. Chavs can be found the length and breadth of the country, hanging around any junk food outlet, off licence or just hanging around the streets, where they pass the time by vandalising property, drinking cheap cider, shouting abuse at passers by and terrorising old people.

Appearance: Chavs have a strict dress code. Designer labels are everything, although knocked off/fake items are almost de-rigeur. Typically, the male chav will wear a Nickelson or Schott hooded top, baggy tracksuit trousers, white designer trainers, and a baseball cap by burberry or Nike. The female chav (chavette) will have peroxide blonde hair scrunched so tight into a pony tail with colourful scrunchies that her forehead stretches. She will wear a dark blue tracksuit with white stripes, an enormous puffa jacket, hoop earrings, and white trainers. Female chavs are forbidden from wearing socks, and all chavs must wear as much fake gold jewellery as they can fit on their bodies. Mobiles are an added status symbol, and when equipped, the chav must shout into it in the most anti-social way possible, using at least one expletive and the word "innit" per second. Every other word in between should be unrecognisable to non-chavs.

Cars: Typically the Vauxhall Nova, but could include Ford Escort/Orion, Vauxhall Astra, and for chavs with "bling", even a totally shagged 3 series BMW. Whatever the type of car, it must have a spoiler shaped plank of MDF nailed to the back, 20" alloy wheels which rub on the wheel arches over every bump, a badly fitted bodykit (extra points for being able to see EXACTLY where the car ends and bodykit starts), a lairy paint job with runs in it, exhaust pipes the size of the space shuttle's booster nozzles, and blue LED's on the washer jets. Neon undercar lighting is also desirable.

Attitude: The chav's attitude depends heavily on the number of mates backing him up. If he's on his own, he'll skulk along anonymously. In numbers, he'll challenge anyone to anything.
Jordan, So Solid Crew etc
by Postman April 02, 2004
The male of the species, the 'chav', is often to be found lurking in braying packs close to fast food outlets or late night stores. It displays a distinctive livery with which it attempts to attract the female ('chavette') - most commonly, the Burberry-effect baseball cap (placed at a jaunty angle, sometimes partially covering the face - this is known in some cultures as 'snidey'); the 'sports' clothing (this is somewhat confusing as the chav is not renowned for its athletic abilities) and countless items of 'bling' (Chav patois meaning jewellery or other adornments). The origins of said 'bling' are various as the chav typically possesses neither a means of employment or indeed any type of education. Chavettes, meanwhile, tend to have hair in at least two colours, ill-fitting tops and white tracksuit tops (usually Kappa). Note their ornate 'love bites': tribal cicatrices around the neck, usually perpetrated by a near-toothless male known as Kev, Daz, Gaz, Baz, Tez or some other monosyllabic name.

Health and Education

Chavs can often be seen smoking - an activity which causes them to spit and cough, but only in public places (see above). They imbibe alcohol, normally in the form of cheap lager / cider normally obtained illegally. This often gives them the impression that they are 'hard' and they will thus attempt to start fights with anyone/thing smaller than them. However, upon retaliation of their prey they tend to run away.

Chavs are, believe it or not, to be found in education. Again, they tend to subsist in packs and can be seen braying and howling in the classroom, challenging even the most reasonable of requests to shut the hell up and let other people learn things. They tend to leave school before the age of sixteen, however, in order to pursue parenthood or a life of crime.

Transportation

The chavette is rarely seen driving a car. Instead, she is to be found holding up various bus passengers as she attempts to manoeuvre her outsized three-wheeled buggy onto a local bus service. She is usually en route to a supermarket or other place where she can swear at or smack her children publicly (this is the only form of discipline, usually to an extreme, ever displayed by chavs or chavettes towards their children and so it is required by law that it takes place wherever others may be gathered).

The chav can be found spending seemingly endless resources of money adding bodykits and neon striplights to his car (sometimes known as a 'chaviot'): this is normally a pre-1990 Ford Escort with 1100cc engine and XR3i stickers, a near-suicidal Vauxhall Nova (with plastic split-screen effect, or the occasional BMW coated in Hammerite. The real mystery about this is how the vehicle can move under the weight of the stereo system installed (badly) within. A large sticker usually adorns the rear (tinted) windscreen of the vehicle, proclaiming the brand of stereo equipment supposedly fitted inside. Loud, bassy music of indeterminate genre / origin will more often than not be emanating through the very loose tinted side windows.

Language

The typical Chav speaks a language which has yet to be named. It claims to have its roots in English, although this is in some doubt. Most Chav words are mercifully brief, and sentences tend to be punctuated with 'innit' or some sort of expletive. Only chavs can truly understand the language - the rest of us can only guess at the witty repartie and intellectual gems of conversation that may pass between them.
If you see a young male (aged 12-35) dressed like an elderly lady's shopping trolley, you have in all likelihood just witnessed a chav. In this situation, you are permitted by common consensus to find the nearest firearm and descend upon said chav with all force.
by miss December 19, 2004
A chav consists of a simple sum:~
hair scraped back, + tight trousers/dangerously short skirt/tracksuit + tight top, (if girl showing alot of clevage) + attitude problem + big gold earings/necklaces and rings (covering every finger so its almost impossible to pick anything up)= female chav

short blond or bleached blond spiky hair + attitude problem + limited voacb consisting of: 'safe', 'innit', 'ya startin?' and 'mint' + one ear pierced with a earing rather than a stud + a few gold rings + socks pulled over their trousers, of their trousers roled up (anything to be noticed) = male chav
Any other group of individuals is advised to stick in bigs numbers, as there is the 4 on 1 rule. a chav will not start unless there is four of them to anyone they're fighting. Just shows how pathetic they are.
by Pinky Mcpea January 09, 2004
Oh, my! A twelve year-old girl wearing a t-shirt proclaiming her status as a ‘slut’. How tasteful. Mother would be so proud…
Is she..? Yes, she is! A Chavette! Sorry, didn’t spot it quickly enough – forgive me, I’m blind.

Here are a few clues for Chav-spotters:

Girls (Chavettes, Sengas):
- Bling, and lots of it.
- Hoop earrings you could drive a bus through
- Hair pulled back so tight as to provide a facial expression of constant surprise
- At least three children trailing
- Smoking a fag – a little white stick poking out of your mouth really does make you look TERRIBLY sophisticated, dear…
- Talking on a mobile
- Wearing a variety of coins/Christmas cracker rings on fingers
- Cow-eyed look in eyes
- Skin as white as death, with blue tinges here and there (occasional purple and yellow ones too, from constant spousal abuse) and a red nose from smoking/drinking too much
- Skirt pulled up to just below the hair-line (please God don’t EVER let it get any higher)
- Fat Chavettes – without exception - sport tight, too-short tops that would put even the hardiest person off their meal, and trousers that expose a crack minging enough to put a plumber to shame
- Throws litter/gum/cigarette butts onto the pavement/bus floor

Boys
- Baseball caps on (but probably don’t know what baseball is)
- Hair so short it could pop balloons
- Fewer teeth than a Shanghai hobo
- Tiny, skinny frame laden with heavy fake-gold
- Cheap nylon track-suits
- Smoking a fag (of course) and spitting at passers-by
- Usually found sitting on the top of a park bench or a wall in the town centre
- Ears near the back of their necks, a particularly endearing genetic malformation
- Always mock-fighting with fellow Chavs, possibly to intimidate onlookers
- In vehicles that are horribly unroadworthy, and which generally have no engine. The booming bass from the shite they listen to provides enough momentum

Classless, no-mannered, ugly, aggressive, incredibly stupid wastes of flesh. They need to be lined up and shot.
They’ve contaminated the gene-pool. Quick – deploy the napalm!
by Blitzkrieg October 19, 2004
A human sub-species also known as homo-inferior. They plan to conquer the world by lowering the nations IQ to single didgit numbers, like themselves. They do this by subjecting those around them to monotonus rap music and brandnames. They are braindead, almost zombie like. They are currently hatching a co-plot to ruin the English language through Abreveation and talking like they havn't got a tongue.
(phonetics) "welw den mush, init dat way den bruv! CHIKEN LAY AN EEEEG BOI!"
by Memnoch. December 27, 2003
British equivalent of white trash, although the Brit variety is predominantly urban (though still of provincial mentality) whereas the American sort are typically rural (especially trailer trash).
Pretty much any young urban lad these days, but especially football hooligans wearing caps, hoodies, and g-strings above the waistline.
by monkeyboy May 14, 2004
chav (noun)- 1 Anyone wearing any kind of burberry clothing 2 A youth usually, although not neccessarily in his or her teens who has an undying belief that they are the hardest and coolest individual to have ever walked this planet. The male chav is distinguishable by his birght colours and imitaion gold jewellry which he uses to attract chavettes (see next). Any eye contact will be met with a tirade of abuse assuming the chav is with his herd. 3 Chavette A female chav who is distinguishable by the use of earings resting on her shoulders, very innapropriate clothing, and a pram. Chavettes are very rarely seen on their own and prefer to hang around with the dominant chav in their herd, usually the father of their child. 4 Chavish the dialect of the chav. Believing that he is a bad boy gangsta rapper, the chav or chavette will converse with others in a secrect language. Scientists have been working for years on trying to decipher chavish but to no avail. Other than swear words that you will manage to pick out, you will not understand any of this tirade; simply assume its not pleasant and probably involves your parents and a dog. (see example)
ere dean wats that nigga lookin at-ee is ganna get a beatin-dere be blood on da floor man. oi faggot you startin or wha? yo mumma got banged up by ma dog hoe.
by Mike January 23, 2004

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