|1.||chapping my ass|
An action referring to the present tense in which you are currently making your asshole raw, red and chaffed; leading to later discomfort.
(On the phone) "Hey buddy, yeah we're all out of the double quilted extra-soft toilet paper, I'm chapping my ass right now with some discount sand-paper bull-shit. This is gonna hurt in the morning... Ok, yeah I'll see yeah." (hangs up phone)