Put a dash or allot of something spicy on the end of your condom; ben-gay, tiger balm, daves insanity sauce, etc. Tag the heifer from behind, then hold on to those love handles as long as necessary. Stuff some hay in her mouth, so as not to wake the neighborhood.
I gave your sister the cattle prod the other night, now she won't even look at me. Oh, and tell your parents to put some tobasco on the shopping list.