Is a puke that is self important with one or more tragic character flaws. Usually these pricks pretend to be all about the war but have some piss poor excuse for not going but every reason in the world any other male might go. This type of asshole will listen to and pretend to understand rap. He will be anti-Semitic but not understand what a Jew is from a hole in the ground. He will have a real big time problem with "jack offs" despite being the worst possible kind of jack off. They also have a real problem with fat boys and take the controversial stance of being against "perverts" or "pedophiles" three times an hour. Captain fucks might also be known as one legged scuba divers if they are veterans or pretending to be veterans. Captain fucks are almost always rich boys, yuppies, red necks and/or pussy fucking old farts. A female that might act like this is not called captain fuck. She is just a cunt.
Michael Scott and Dwight Schrute from the TV show The Office are cutesy, watered down, safe for TV captain fucks.
by captain fuck May 11, 2010