2. "My alarm clock didn't wake me up in time for my proctologist's appointment, so I had to make do with a buttcrack-shower before flying out the door."
3. "I don't know what I ate to have such ruthless mudbutt, but I'd nearly filled the toilet bowl with tissue from wiping so much, and there was still more shit than one wad could handle. So, I took a butt-crack shower."