Horrified by the pungent smell and thickened texture dripping down his ocular cavity, Ray chewed the veins out of his wrists and proceeded to violate himself with a wine bottle until death by rectal trauma.
Maloney: Dude, did you hear what happened to Higgins?
Jones: Haha yeah I heard he received heinous blood goggles, man what a douche.
Maloney: Yeah, then he drank battery acid and forced himself to cry!
(Pause of sheer horror)
Maloney: Then he beat a midget with a hose.