Blood bowls, now commonly practiced only in northern Austria, mainly consist of massive male self-mutilation accompanied by female menstruation. The combination of the two was pioneered in 1879 by Grover Cleveland, and was a major selling point during his 1885 presidential campaign. Following his election into office, the "blood bowling" practice spread overseas, being particularly well-received by Austria and Germany, both well known for occasionally delving into dark sexual practices. Following Cleveland's first term, he attempted to shift his political focus from blood bowls to more controversial topics as definition of human rights, but was met with a loss. Cleveland subsequently returned to his roots, reportedly engaging in anywhere from thirty to fifty blood bowls a day. His second attempt at a second term, in 1893, was a success - he took to performing blood bowls in public, rousing his supporters into an unstoppable rage of gory arousal. Four years of debauchery followed Grover Cleveland's reelection, but the exhaustion of his service proved to be the undoing of his sinister sexual practice. Blood bowling's popularity dropped rapidly in all regions of the world except northern Austria, where it is still "enjoyed" to this day.
Blood bowls, which must be undertaken in any sort of large bowl or urn (hence the name), are commonly, yet logically associated with sadomasochism. The male must begin the ritual by first severing his erect penis at the head, spilling pints of blood into the urn. Once a healthy puddle has accumulated, the female must present her own offering - plunging a knife repeatedly into the walls of her menstruating genitalia. At this point, the female's work is finished, but the male must continue to mutilate his manhood, utilizing any grotesque method his imagination can provide. Once he feels he has done sufficient work, he inserts himself into the female as he would for normal intercourse - note that at this point, the bowl in which he and his partner are copulating should be drenched in blood at least three inches in depth. As a result of the mutual genital deformation, intercourse is accompanied by blinding pain. Masochists, therefore, take great pleasure in the experience.
To play Blood Bowl, first find a football field, although Blood Bowl can really be played in any available space. Teams are made of 5 players, whose positions are listed below:
a 'castle' who stays in the goal and protects it, and generally wears some sort of protection, such as plate armor.
a 'horseman' who traditionally rides an animal or vehicle.
3 'forwards' who go out and get the ball.
Teams may have any number of replacement players, who are substituted whenever a player is injured or killed.
To win a Blood Bowl match, one team must score more goals on the other team (by tossing a ball into some sort of goal) than the other team scored on them by the end of two hours.
At the end of one hour of play is a 30-minute halftime break in which players are rotated in and out of play, riders wash their animals, and castles change their armor.
In addition to this, the teams rotate sides.
The final rule of Blood Bowl is that no edged weapons may be used on a player at any time. Indifferent judges may have to be called in to determine what an edged weapon is and what it isn't.
Any player who breaks a Blood Bowl rule is ejected from play, and in some more violent games, executed on the spot.