A guide for life. The only pure truth that you will ever read. A love story from God to us. The instruction book that will guide us to Heaven. If you accept Christ as your Savior, you will spend eternity in happiness and joy with God.
Person: How do I achieve pure happiness?

Good Friend: Read your Bible and do as it says.
by lovemusic2012 November 02, 2009
When you're such a pathological liar that every time you say something of importance everyone asks you.."do you swear on the holy bible?" In order to confirm the truth... saying the shortened "bible" just minimizes the length of the asking while not compromising its purpose.
"Man, I fucked that 300 pound chick last night." - Me
"Bible?" - My friends
"Bible!" - Me
"Holy fuck, I thought you were lying about that, you're sick dude" - My friends
by JCrummer May 05, 2009
A story book written over centuries. A fictional tale about a man named jesus.
Teacher: WHo can name a fairy tale?
Little Arthur the Atheist: The Bible
God: Blasphemize this biznatch!
by skah January 17, 2005
To bible someting is to "swear to god" that something is true or false, or generally took place.
bob: did ashley actually jump of the roof
alex: bible, she seriously did!
bob: whoa

ashley: i actually jumped off the roof
jen: no way!
ashley: bible!
jen: whoa
by cannonshannon July 06, 2011
The absolute truth proven by it's own contents read by conservative arts grads (people with hunting licences) which is widely known by it's readers to be completely absurd. Howerver, sed readers accept it do to the wide range of other readers who believe it only because the highly unlikely consequences of sed book being true (eternal hellfire). This is known as the best option theory. In reality anything goes and one idea is just as good as another since the principles of metaphysics are unknowable, therefore readers of the bible choose to formally declare it's principles as truth to keep the best possible outcomes on their side.
*Judgement day comes and trumpets sound

Rev. J.T. Holmes: No accountability Mothafucka! hell yeah! Metaphysical game theory for the motherfucking win! you should have read the goddamn rules before you showed up at reality atheists! anything goes! you choose the fucking best option for your self interests, not the one that makes the most sense idiots. Best case scenario me, heaven. Worst case, dust. Best case scenario you, dirt, worst case, hell. hahahahahahah. Better get to that black hole you love so much or lou ghericks disease won't be the worst of your troubles... shoulda read the bible.

Stephen Hawking: Fuck you.
by Reverend J.T. Homeslice May 01, 2011
bible: its an acronym, basic information (or some people say instructions) before leaving earth.
(man a) have you read your basic information before leaving earth today?
man b: my what?
(man a) the bible! damn it!
by epicsory October 08, 2009
Ancient Holy Book used by Christians. It contains the Old and New Testaments.
The bible is not literally real, its just stories.
Pages from the bible are often used in Prison to roll Joints.
by BadAsCan September 19, 2007
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