The most boring book ever.
Someone told me I should read the bible so that I could fully understand it, but I couldn't read past the first paragraph, it was so boring.

(Note: Christians will call you ignorant for not reading the bible, but will insult you for being so determined to prove them wrong if you do)
by oh shit i'm dead February 03, 2005

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since no one else will give a respectful, tolerant definition of the Bible: The Holy Bible is the religious scripture of the religions of Christianity and Catholicism. It details the Creation of the universe by God, His son Jesus's birth, crucifixion, and Resurrection. Also provides moral guidelines for how religious people should live. And until you have proof, you are NOT justified in calling it a "book of fairy tales"
Atheist: dude, you STILL believe in the bible? its crap

Christian: You don't know that for sure, so don't judge me
by sygdjokhfwlppnca6 May 21, 2012

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A fictional tale which for many the truth is never unveiled.
Dad: "Son, it's time I told you this, santa, the easter bunny, it's all a lie.."
Son: "But what about the man who has the time and patience for 6 billion people's problems and encourages his underlings to write the Bible about murder, corruption, homosexuality, bestiality, incest and cruelty!?"
Dad: "Don't you question your father's other father okay boy!!"
by yamummadear July 06, 2011

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A book written to record, what it's authors assumed to be, thet creation of human species.
The Bible in two sentences: God creates petting zoo. Things get out of hand.
by Arinthalas April 16, 2011

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A great work of fiction that is currently the 2nd best selling novel in the world; the 1st is The Cat in the Hat.
I just finished the bible yesterday. What a mediocre read. I loved the characters and plot, but I didn't really feel the mood and tone of the book. Maybe I'll check out Harry Potter and see if it's more interesting than the Bible.
by asfdfdassdfsdafsdasfafdsfdsa November 05, 2009

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A fictional (science-fiction/fantasy) novel consisting of many old Christian myths. The bible is probably the best selling book of all time. It is also the cause billions of deaths throughout human history. The reason for that is that scores of naive readers past and present kill others because apparently, they were given instructions to do so by the main character of the bible, God.
In the bible, an important character named Noah built a ship large enough to hold two of every species of animal on earth (besides the dinosaurs). However, since the author of the bible didn't want readers to get bored, he didn't include the exact size of Noah's ark. Here is an educated guess of size of the ark (with calculations):

Species on earth at that time: 1,000,000
Average size of one animal: 1 sq meter
Total amount of animals: 2,000,000
Size of ark: 2,000,000 sq meters = 1250 sq miles.

That means that Noah had to build an ark a little smaller than the state of Rhode Island. How long did it take for him to build the ark?
by asdfsdasdasdggaasdgasdgasdgasd September 26, 2009

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used in place of "i swear". if you dont want use or parent forbid you from using i swear you just use "bible"
"bible" he just hung up on me!

"bible" that she just said that!
by ilovethekardashians May 28, 2009

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