look up any word, like cunt:
 
100.
Noun: Bible bi’ble.

The Bible is the name given to the revelation of God to man contained in sixty-six books or pamphlets, bound together and forming one book and only one, for it has in reality one author and one purpose and plan, and is the development of one scheme of the redemption of man.

ITS NAMES.-- (1) The Bible , i.e. The Book , from the Greek "ta biblia," the books. The word is derived from a root designating the inner bark of the linden tree, on which the ancients wrote their books. It is the book as being superior to all other books. But the application of the word BIBLE to the collected books of the Old and New Testaments is not to be traced farther back than the fifth century of our era. (2) The Scriptures , i.e. the writings, as recording what was spoken by God. (3) The Oracles , i.e. the things spoken, because the Bible is what God spoke to man, and hence also called (4) The Word. (5) The Testaments or Covenants , because it is the testimony of God to man, the truths to which God bears witness; and is also the covenant or agreement of God with man for his salvation. (6) The Law , to express that it contains God’s commands to men.

COMPOSITION.--The Bible consists of two great parts, called the Old and New Testaments, separated by an interval of nearly four hundred years. These Testaments are further divided into sixty-six books, thirty-nine in the Old Testament and twenty-seven in the New. These books are a library in themselves being written in every known form of literature. Twenty-two of them are historical, five are poetical, eighteen are prophetical, twenty-one are epistolary.

There are at least thirty-six different authors, who wrote in three continents, in many countries, in three languages, and from every possible human standpoint. Among these authors were kings, farmers, mechanics, scientific men, lawyers, generals, fishermen, ministers and priests, a tax-collector, a doctor, some rich, some poor, some city bred, some country born--thus touching all the experiences of men-- extending over 1500 years.

UNITY.--And yet the Bible is but one book, because God was its real author, and therefore, though he added new revelations as men could receive them, he never had to change what was once revealed. The Bible is a unit, because (1) It has but one purpose, the salvation of men. (2) The character of God is the same. (3) The moral law is the same. (4) It contains the development of one great scheme of salvation.

ORIGINAL LANGUAGES.--The Old Testament was written in Hebrew, a Shemitic language, except that parts of the books of Ezra (Ezra 5:8; 6:12; 7:12-26) and of Daniel (Daniel 2:4-7,28) and one verse in Jeremiah (Jeremiah 10:11) were written in the Chaldee language. The New Testament is written wholly in Greek.

Smith's Bible Dictionary by Dr. William Smith (1884)

Title: Smith's Bible Dictionary
Creator(s): Smith, Dr. William
Print Basis: 1884
Rights: Public Domain
Today we are going to read from the Bible.
by John June 20, 2004
 
1.
An ancient novel full of murder, corruption, homosexuality, bestiality, incest and cruelty. It is often read to children on Sunday.
 
2.
Old Testament: God creates the universe and he sees it and it's serious business, but then Satan pretends to be a snake and trolls Eve, telling her " Apple or GTFO"(cuz she was already showing tits). She chooses the former and then her and her fuck buddy Adam get b& from Eden for being trollbait. Then a lot of serious fucking incest occurs and we get the human race (which explains a lot, really).

Then later, God gets uber pissed about Pharaoh Hitler pwning the jews, so he gives Moses some cheat codes for the universe. Moses stages a mass slave runaway and opens up the sea so the Jews can run through, closing it behind him and drowning the ancient Nazis; God Lol'd.

Some other less important shit happens, mostly composed of a bunch of faggots writing emo poetry about god for him to fap to.

New Testament: God finds Mary sleeping and just sticks the tip in and drops his load. Nine months later Jesus is born. For his 13th birthday God gave Jesus more cheat codes than he gave Moses, plus the rcon password for life, and some CP.

Later, Jesus became a hard core ska punk and trolled the old school jews hard. They got super pissed and permabanned him with a cross and some nine inch nails. They forgot he had god mode turned on though, so he waited 3 days and hit vid_restart on the rcon panel, came back into life's server, and laughed at the Jews.

After that, 3 more guys tell the same story, then this faggot Paul wrote an assload of shit about sex being evil and a bunch of other stuff that Jesus never fucking said but everybody listened to Paul anyway because they're stupid.

THE END

- By Noah McHugh
I read the bible, it was epic as hell.
by Noah McHugh May 09, 2008
 
3.
The Bible is probably the best book ever. You can use it as a coaster, hit people with it, look funny and quote it, eat the pages, fire fuel, toilet paper, start a war, control the stoopid people of the world, read it and become president, Hanaukkah present, piss off the Muslims, and turn back the clock.
I used my bible yesterday as a fiber subustitute.
by MistahTom December 07, 2005
 
4.
#1 Fiction Best Seller
what is the need for a bible example?
by lulZmEaN December 29, 2007
 
5.
A tremendous book that cultivates the belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
The Bible helped me stop masturbating and taught me the value of space docking with God.
by Netaungrot August 29, 2007
 
6.
A historically ficticious piece of literature written to inspire the gullible, bring fear to small children and provide a good substitute for fire wood. Does not mention dinosaurs.
"Gee whiz! The bible does not mention dinosaurs. Must be based on factual occurences!"

"The priest read the bible alone with the children. He must be a good guy and not a pedophile"
by krey1112 July 27, 2009
 
7.
The Bible in 50 words...

God made, Adam bit, Noah arked, Abraham split, Joseph ruled, Jacob fooled,Bush talked, Moses balked, Pharaoh plagued, people walked, sea divided, tablets guided, Promise landed, Saul freaked, David peeked, prophets warned, Jesus born, God walked, love talked, anger crucified, hope died, Love rose, Spirit flamed, Word spread, God remained.
- What other book has all the words from the Bible?
- A dictionary.
by alvit May 20, 2009