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56.
A book of contents that is so simple that a child can grasp yet baffles many adults. The Bible is believed to be inspired by a relational deity YHWH, manifesting his character that crescendos at the death and resurrection of Jesus, the cross.

The Bible is often described as a Love letter, as agape (unconditional) Love is a recurring theme.

The Bible is one of the most influential books of all time and for literary purposes well worth a read. Translated from Hebrew, Greek and Aramaic in which the King James Version (KJV) or NewKJV is supposedly the most accurate English translation.

It is divided in two segments yet unitarily one. The Old Testament is the New Testament concealed whilst the New Testament is the Old reviled.

Testament meaning covenant, and in its context: the Old Relational agreement between man and God/ the New Relational Agreement.

It is preyed upon by ignorant sceptics, bashed by intellectual cowards and profaned by foolish zealots. Often taken out of historical or cultural context and miss quoted, usually done so to manipulate and control or comfort moral insecurities.
Belligerent, smug, Ignorant sceptic- Lol what? You reading that thing don’t you know it says the earth is flat which science disproves…

Reply – The Bible never clams such lunacy for example Job 26:7 and Luke 17:34-35. Science, in some opinions supports Biblical text (ID). Maybe you should question your own beliefs before preying on others.

Haughty Intellectual Coward – Jesus was a tyrant and the only sufficient use of the bible is a mediocre paper weight.

Reply - Your bias opinions have blinded you. You dare not belittle the teachings of Mahmud. With such intellectual endeavour why not spend some of your energy examining your faulty constructivism.

Profaning fooling Zealot – God hates Fags!

Reply – Don’t you know the scripture that you self propagate? “God is mighty, but despises no one” (Job 36:5), your corrupt zealot fervors have allowed you to become narcissistic, scorning and profaning the gospel truth, ironically spawning misconceptions upon unbelievers.
by Sympathiser May 01, 2011
 
1.
An ancient novel full of murder, corruption, homosexuality, bestiality, incest and cruelty. It is often read to children on Sunday.
 
2.
Old Testament: God creates the universe and he sees it and it's serious business, but then Satan pretends to be a snake and trolls Eve, telling her " Apple or GTFO"(cuz she was already showing tits). She chooses the former and then her and her fuck buddy Adam get b& from Eden for being trollbait. Then a lot of serious fucking incest occurs and we get the human race (which explains a lot, really).

Then later, God gets uber pissed about Pharaoh Hitler pwning the jews, so he gives Moses some cheat codes for the universe. Moses stages a mass slave runaway and opens up the sea so the Jews can run through, closing it behind him and drowning the ancient Nazis; God Lol'd.

Some other less important shit happens, mostly composed of a bunch of faggots writing emo poetry about god for him to fap to.

New Testament: God finds Mary sleeping and just sticks the tip in and drops his load. Nine months later Jesus is born. For his 13th birthday God gave Jesus more cheat codes than he gave Moses, plus the rcon password for life, and some CP.

Later, Jesus became a hard core ska punk and trolled the old school jews hard. They got super pissed and permabanned him with a cross and some nine inch nails. They forgot he had god mode turned on though, so he waited 3 days and hit vid_restart on the rcon panel, came back into life's server, and laughed at the Jews.

After that, 3 more guys tell the same story, then this faggot Paul wrote an assload of shit about sex being evil and a bunch of other stuff that Jesus never fucking said but everybody listened to Paul anyway because they're stupid.

THE END

- By Noah McHugh
I read the bible, it was epic as hell.
by Noah McHugh May 09, 2008
 
3.
The Bible is probably the best book ever. You can use it as a coaster, hit people with it, look funny and quote it, eat the pages, fire fuel, toilet paper, start a war, control the stoopid people of the world, read it and become president, Hanaukkah present, piss off the Muslims, and turn back the clock.
I used my bible yesterday as a fiber subustitute.
by MistahTom December 07, 2005
 
4.
#1 Fiction Best Seller
what is the need for a bible example?
by lulZmEaN December 29, 2007
 
5.
A tremendous book that cultivates the belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
The Bible helped me stop masturbating and taught me the value of space docking with God.
by Netaungrot August 29, 2007
 
6.
A historically ficticious piece of literature written to inspire the gullible, bring fear to small children and provide a good substitute for fire wood. Does not mention dinosaurs.
"Gee whiz! The bible does not mention dinosaurs. Must be based on factual occurences!"

"The priest read the bible alone with the children. He must be a good guy and not a pedophile"
by krey1112 July 27, 2009
 
7.
The Bible in 50 words...

God made, Adam bit, Noah arked, Abraham split, Joseph ruled, Jacob fooled,Bush talked, Moses balked, Pharaoh plagued, people walked, sea divided, tablets guided, Promise landed, Saul freaked, David peeked, prophets warned, Jesus born, God walked, love talked, anger crucified, hope died, Love rose, Spirit flamed, Word spread, God remained.
- What other book has all the words from the Bible?
- A dictionary.
by alvit May 20, 2009