The Beer Gorilla is, despite its size and strength, a remarkably stealthy creature. Beer Gorillas only come out very late at night or in the early hours of the morning. They stalk their prey - invariably, intoxicaed males - with great cunning, folloing them to their place of dwelling.

The Beer Gorilla then waits patiently until all the occupants of the preisesare asleep and/or uncosncious before commencing its rampage. Sometimes the Gorilla will have sneaked in to the house after the drunken humans, and concelaed itself; on other occasions, it will employ its remarkable cimbing skills to enter via an upstairs window, or in extreme cases, a chimney - like a sort of Sith Santa Claus.

Once inside the premises, the Gorilla proceeds to trash te place. Typical activities incude:

- Eating every item of food in the premises and leaving the open containers scattered around (sometimes the Gorillla will order in a takeaway if insufficent cmestibles re to hand.

- Leaving a kettle, or a suacepan containing eggs, on the stove to boil dry

- Vomiting in a wide range of locations

- Mis-connecting hi-fi equipment in an attempt to access encrypted satellite channels without the proper equipment

- leavng refirdgerator and freezer doorsope just enough to ensure the contents spoil

- Depositing turds of gargantuan proportions in lavatoies, then failing to flush. Often, muc work with a spade, chisel and bilhook is needed the following day to disrupt the structure of thse megaturds to the ...