8
right-wing christian wackballs who believe the bible is the literal word of god. there are many different kinds of baptist, all claiming that they are the true ones going to heaven, because they believe one minuscule detail that some other kind doesnt, and that other kind is going to hell. pretty messed up, but can be really nice people. don't get that the bible's stories can all be translated metaphorically to represent larger things in life.
Baptist: "well, in the bible, some children are stoned to death because they disobey their orders, so i guess we should all stone jimmy for forgetting to do the kitty litter last night..."
by Al Tyryklyvay July 10, 2008
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9
There are three main variations on Baptist.

1. The well adjusted baptist: Self explanitory. Lacks most of the defining characteristics of the other classes of Baptists. Well adjusted people who are pretty intelligent and usually rather proficiant in debate. In my experience, these people are few and far between. Are also more open minded to issues like gay marriage and abortion.

2. The nearly-hardcore baptist: A watered down version of the hardcore baptist. Are close minded and stupid. Can be found in places similar to Ansley Park in Atlanta. Close minded as all get-out, but they're not the type of people to go bomb a clinic, mainly due to the concern that they might get the blood of a sinner on their khakis.

3. The hardcore baptist: Total fucking retards. Owe more to the backwoods rapist from "Deliverance" than John The Baptist. The type of person who WOULD bomb an abortion clinic. See the film "Jesus Camp" for more info on this class of baptist.
1. A friend of mine is baptist. Doesn't mind that I'm open to all genders, and understands the need for abortion to be legal. He is a well adjusted baptist.

2. The people on my swim team. Reguraly ridicule me for being liberal, and refuse to come into contact with me, as they think I have some disease. They are semi-hardcore baptists.

3. The people who beat me up at a wrestling meet for saying evelution is more convincing than creationism. One of their moms later threatened me, too.
by Mr.knowitall November 03, 2007
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10
A large denomination in the religion of Christianity that has smaller factions such as Missionary Baptists and Southern Baptists. This is not a denomination that is predominantly composed of Southern Whites, contrary to popular beliefs and opinions. Instead, it is a widespread religion that is practiced by many people here (Ohio River Valley) in the Midwest, the Northeast, all of The North, the West Coast, and even over in Europe. It is one of many Protestant (Non-Catholic) groups that are Christian, are being Baptist is also a great thing to be.
Baptists are devout Christians who know Jesus is the Savior as well as the only son of God. They go by the teachings of the Bible, worship God AND Jesus, and have accepted Jesus into their heart and experience the miracles and love of God, who is the ONE AND ONLY true god.
by The Kentucky Yankee December 08, 2004
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11
something thats not catholic; synonomous with high divorce rates, jerry falwell (with his mother in the outhouse) and mainly hypocritical, holier than thou bullshit. see every religion tries to prove its better...in the end catholocism wins by a billion and a half so you baptists can go to hell, which is where your goin when jesus bitch slaps you down to satan...you know what, ill do it, your not worty of jesus' hand...i offically call dibs on the baptist bitch-slaper to hell guy
Jesus: i see your here for the profesional Bitch Slaping Baptist job?
Me: Yes.
Jesus: Why Should i Hire You?
Me: Because you dont have to get your hands dirty in southern redneck inbreds whose lives center around being punished to hell, so i figured id give them what they want
Jesus: I Like your Style, Lets See How Well You do, how does tuesday sound?
Me: No Problem
Jesus: Ok From Now on You are now my Pimphand Bitchslapper...if they ask, tell 'em J hired you and give them a ton of hope that they'll get into heaven, then bitchslap them into satans asshole...
me: Sounds Good
Jesus: Peace, im going to go with peter to bless some kids or some shit like that
me: see u around...

2. " did not have sex with my mother in an outhouse...it was my father"-Jerry Falwell
by Alex Curtis June 06, 2006
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12
People that might learn the bible but don't know anything behind it.
Cathilics are all knowing because they learn everything behind the bible.


Baptists know the Bible, that's it.
by TubaMasta March 16, 2009
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13
Someone who is hardly a fucktard, except in the opinion of actual fucktards {which is a dumb insult in the first place, used typically by emo kids, punk rockers, etc.) who are ignorant about the Christian denomination of The Baptists. We're not as stupid and/or redneckish as you people imply; in fact, the majority of us don't lash out at those who are atheists, until they attack us, of course. In addition, some Baptists may disagree with the Catholics, but we all still love them as brothers and sisters.
If only you people knew what The Baptists are really about. You call us retarded and hate-filled, when you are the ones making hateful accusations against us; what a bunch of hypocrites you all are.
by The Kentucky Yankee March 20, 2005
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14
People who run around and conscript people into their religious clan by luring them using little curses or actions.
1. Someone wore a baby blue shirt and became the big white hype without them knowing. Thost baptists!

2. I ate a hamburger and all of a sudden I am considered part of the gay community. I was baptized into the gay community.
by GhostScripter July 08, 2010
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