Geographically, Ballymena is a large town situated in central County Antrim in Northern Ireland. Although the town has an interesting and promising history it still manages to disappoint.

With a population of 28,717, 58.2% of which are chavs, 19.1% of which are drug dealers, 15.6% of which are hypocritical bible bashers and the remaining percentage hide in their homes praying for the apocalypse.

Ballymena is described by some observers as being at the heart of Northern Ireland's bible belt. Unfotunately it is more approporiate to say that it IS the centre of Northern Ireland's drug problem with 87% of the worlds supply of cocaine coming from the Dunclug estate within the town's limits. Furthermore, according to a recent investigation, it was discovered that Ballymena not only boasts more heroin per head of poulation than any other town or city in europe but that the town alone also consumes more marijuana than any country elsewhere in the world.

Of the chavs of Ballymena it can be seen that there is a distinct hierarchy of sorts within this subculture of lower class primates. This being as such that the chavs of the area work in packs, each of which is governed by a chav matriarch. This chav matririarch can be described in a manner similar to that of the Queen Alien for anyone who knows of the Alien sci-fi films. That is, she is a large, disgusting creature whose sole purpose is to reproduce. She can be identified by her unique style of clothing (leisure trousers...