Granny Awards 

An annual celebration of Archaicisms, primarily serving as an ego defense mechanism for Boomers (and other old people.)

Nominated for 2014 Granny Awards Rock Album of the Year:

Zeppelin, Sabbath, Bowie and Neil Young

-- Four acts that were "too hip to be square"* around 1970.

Kings of Leon and Queens of the Stone Age

-- Named after a passe form of government and a truly ancient Age of Tech.

How desperately we cling to illusions of youth and relevancy. -- Citizen of the Galaxy

* Once upon a time, even Before the Flood, contemporaneous fans of "Old Blue Eyes" and the "Candy Man" embarrassed themselves with such phrases, in a vain attempt to sustain their own relevance. Please, STOP THE MADNESS!

Granny Awards by Citizen of the Galaxy February 23, 2014

Teen Choice Awards 

Sluttiest children's special in television history. The abomination of awards shows and the most overrated.

Teens don't even watch. Children do.
It's not even their choice. The choice is Miley's and the Jonas Brothers'. And they suck.
Therefore, the awards are nothing but novelty.

You will die of ripping your own head off if you watch the Teen Choice Awards.

Teen Choice Awards by Smart American Male August 10, 2009

Darwin Awards 

An "award" given to people who contribute the most to the evolution of humanity by removing their genes from the gene pool. Sometimes given to people who simply sterilize themselves, but most of the recipiants have ended up dead because of their actions.

Basically, the concept is that people kill/injure themselves to the point where reproduction is no longer possible whilst doing something surrealistically stupid. By insuring that their stupid genes to not spread, they ultimately help humanity and thus recieve an award.

While the concept is funny enough, the actual awards are usually very mean spirited.

Inflamable means flamable? What a country!

Darwin Awards by Cap'n Awesome May 18, 2005

Teen Choice Awards 

Kid's Choice Awards 2.0. Ages 5 - 8. Created by FOX. A rigged, scripted, unofficial awards show presenting fake awards to very "special" child celebrities who set bad examples to children of older or equal age, mostly to Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers. They use laugh tracks to make it even more stupider.

Smart celebrity nominated for an award: I think I am too old for the Teen Choice Awards. I am not even going to attend, like I give a shit if I win one.

Teen Choice Awards by Smart American Male March 22, 2009

comment awards 

hello people from youtube whomst'dve were as bored as i am

wow, you watch comment awards too?

yes. i too am not ever seen bobs

comment awards by Private_obvious November 13, 2017

Comment Awards 

Where Cowbelly steals memes and puts them on YouTube.

Carl* makes funny meme

Cowbelly* runs to Carl"s house and murders him he then proceeds back to his apartment in club penguin and posts it on his YouTube channel called Comment Awards

Comment Awards by LOLdoggamer April 4, 2018

Grammy Awards 

Originally a respected award from its inception until the 80s, it's now a night of music industry masturbation. 90% of the awards are given based on how well an album sold rather than an artist's critical and artistic recognition. Mainstream, generic, and record label-designed songs and bands sweep the awards while more talented and deserving artists are either ignored completely or, should they get the nomination, left hanging in the wind while a commercially successful artist accepts an award s/he knew would be theirs as soon as their name was called.

Despite this, the jazz, classical, gospel/soul, and folk categories are still respected and the winning artists are held at a high esteem. These genres are less commercially popular than pop, rock, country, hip-hop, and r&b and as such artists are actually awarded based on merit and talent rather than record sales.

The night is self-contradicting in that there is always a speech about the importance of music education and the need for new artists, despite the same artists winning every time they're nominated and performances being lip synced and incredibly dull, with very few exceptions.

"I don't know what this means. I don't think it means anything... There's too many bands and you've heard it all before.... Thanks, I guess." - Eddie Vedder, 1996

"I think the Grammy Awards are nothing more than some gigantic promotional machine for the music industry. They cater to a low intellect and they feed the masses. They don't honor the arts or the artist for what he created. It's the music business celebrating itself. That's basically what it's all about." Maynard James Keenan, 2002

Despite 'My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy' being one of the highest rated album of all time, it was not nominated for Album of the Year in 2012.

Jazz and soul artists aren't awarded and don't perform on air because the needs of bland Katy Perry fans are more important than those genre's comparative handful of fans.

The only good Grammy Award performances in recent memory were Adele (2012), Dave Matthews Band (2010), and the Elton John/Lady Gaga duet (2008).

Grammy Awards by Matt..... March 31, 2012