Undefinable business errors
If your computer doesn’t run fast enough, turn it off ‘til it does.
We don’t allow customer abuse that we don’t originate.
Only 95% of our members have better customer service. That is why we will train you.
Fraud will be measured by profitability.
Only former members complain. The rest haven’t reached that point.
The best way to collect on an overdue account is to stop that account from making money until they pay. This is especially important if they don’t have any money because they are not likely to send it.
We improved customer service by adding polite introductions to irrelevant canned responses.
A satisfied customer is one who gives up.
We change practices every time we are forced by law to do so.
WELCOME TO EBAY – Let the chaos begin.
Indifference reduces worry.
When you have no competition you are always state-of-the-art.
We are the best at what we do and nobody else is us.
Customer service is all we expect from our customers.
We enable you to make money for us.
It was innovation that enabled our complacency.
Inefficiency can be overcome by raising prices.
Wherever there is disease there is eBay. We have no boundaries.
If there is any way we can help you, let us know. We don’t have a clue.
Contact Customer Support and we will make matters worse for you. That is what makes eBay so special.
Everyone in our company is empowered to do what we say and we are a computer program.
The secret to our success is to keep the same stuff mov...